The Fun Goes On
by godfreyraphael
Summary: More sketches for the So Random cast! Now rated T for some sexual references and violence.
1. Real Fast Food

A/N: These sketches are sequels of established So Random sketches, as well as new sketches that came from my imagination. This one is about the "fast food sketch" - the one where your food is thrown at you! R & R!

* * *

_Welcome to Real Fast Food, where we serve you real fast food – real fast!_

* * *

Zora entered the store. She walked up to the counter, where Grady was the cashier. "Hi, welcome to Real Fast Food, where we serve you real fast food real fast. How may I help you?"

"I'd like a dozen cupcakes," Zora said.

As soon as Zora had finished her order, Grady shouted into the microphone, "Cupcakes!"

Zora, who by now had been used to Real Fast Food's extremely fast service, took a box from the counter and caught the cupcakes without missing one.

"That will be five dollars," Grady said. Zora laid a five-dollar bill on the counter.

"Thank you, come again!" Grady told her as he took the cash. Tawni entered and approached the counter as Zora left.

"Hi, welcome to Real Fast Food, where we serve you real fast food real fast," Grady told her. "How may I help you?"

Tawni gave some thought over what she should order. "I'd like a…." she began.

Grady grabbed the microphone in anticipation for the order and repeated, "A…."

"A salad."

"Salad!" Grady shouted.

Tawni, who was also used to Real Fast Food's fast service, took a plate from the counter and caught the salad.

"Wait," Tawni said. "Where's my dressing?"

"Dressing!" Grady shouted.

Tawni skilfully caught the dressing.

"That will be $2.50," Grady said.

Tawni handed him three dollars. "Keep the change," she added.

"Thank you, come again!" Grady told her.

Sonny entered the store as Tawni left. She suddenly pointed a gun at Grady and said, "This is a stickup! Give me all of your money!"

Grady, unperturbed by the gun in his face, shouted into his microphone, "Money!"

Someone, the same someone that was responsible for Real Fast Food's real fast service, threw dollar bills and coins at Sonny. It went on for a full minute before Sonny could finally look up again without being hit by a coin. "What?" she asked sarcastically. "No euros?"

"Euros!" Grady shouted.

Nico suddenly appeared from underneath the counter. "What the heck, man!" he told Grady. "I don't have my euros today! You want British pounds or Russian rubles?"

Sonny's eyes widened upon the mention of rubles. "Forget it!" she shouted. "Keep your money! And I was never here!"

Grady smiled as if nothing had happened. "Thank you, come again!" he told the would-be thief as she left.


	2. So Random University

Sonny: Tired of your current university? Bored with your school curriculum? Hassled by fraternities and sororities that ask for your body and soul? Don't drop out, and especially don't look hard, but stay! Presenting the So Random University! Here at SRU, we offer educational courses such as architecture.

(Grady putts a golf ball into a coffee cup using a T-square)

Grady: Hole in one!

Sonny: Dentistry.

(Sonny is strapped to a dentist's chair with Tawni as the dentist)

Tawni: I'm afraid you need a root canal, ma'am. (lifts a hand drill)

Sonny: Nursing.

(Zora shows a syringe with a huge needle to Sonny)

Zora: Just a little blood sample…

Sonny: Medicine and Surgery.

(Sonny is lying on an operating table with Nico as the surgeon)

Nico: I promise you, you won't feel anything. (lifts a chainsaw)

Sonny: Computer Science.

(Zora smashes a computer to bits)

Zora: This was how Dad fixed the lawnmower!

Sonny: Fine Arts.

(Grady stares at a painting of a poppy field)

Grady: Wow, I can get high just by looking at this… (falls over)

Sonny: Music.

(Nico plays four instruments at the same time)

Nico: Maybe I should have gone to America's Got Talent.

Sonny: Performing Arts.

(Sonny and Tawni do a chorus line dance)

Tawni: Just keep smiling, just keep smiling…

Sonny: And journalism.

(Sonny covers Tawni, Nico, Grady, and Zora's bodies with newspapers)

Sonny: So what are you still doing in those snobby old colleges? Why don't you waste your time with us here at…

All: So Random University!

Grady: Before, you pay the university. Now, university pays you!

(END)


	3. Mob Week

Narrator: _And now, _So Random Gags_ presents, _Mob Week!

(Cut to the _So Random_ cast in full gangster gear: coats, hats, and Tommy guns)  
(Nico and Grady do a drive by)  
(Tawni tries to kill Sonny with a Tommy gun at long range)  
(Zora slams her fist at the table, and then a cigar ash burns her coat)  
(Title card shows, "So Random: Mob Week" in silent film style)

* * *

"**Fun"**

Nico and Grady were two young mobsters looking for some fun. Sonny, Tawni, and Zora were three girls also looking for some fun. The five of them met each other on a dark and quiet street.

"Hey, boys," said Sonny. "Wanna have some fun?"

Nico looked at Sonny, then at Tawni, and finally at Zora. He seemed satisfied with what he saw because he smiled and told them, "Yes, I wanna have some fun. How about you, man?" he asked Grady. "Do you wanna have some fun?"

"Oh, I would love to have some fun!" Grady gleefully replied.

"Hear that, girls?" Sonny told the others. "Let's turn on the fun!" Someone turned on a radio, and party music began playing from it. The three girls began dancing like they were in a bar, while the two guys just stared at them in wonder.

"OMG, this is fun!" shouted Tawni.

"I haven't had this much fun since, like, forever!" Zora added.

Nico and Grady could only shake their heads at this amazing display of fun and then look at the camera.

* * *

"**The Don with No Fear"**

Don Grady Mitchell of the Mitchell Syndicate was one of the most powerful dons in this gang-ridden city. He controls everything, from the police to the press to the city government, and therefore he claims he has nothing to fear.

"I am Don Grady, and I have no fear!" he exclaimed.

Nico, one of his more important lieutenants, suddenly came running into his headquarters. "Don Grady! Don Grady!" he shouted. "The Munroe family has broken off from us!" The Munroes were a small syndicate that could barely earn its keep within Don Grady's organization.

"Ha!" said Don Grady. "Don Grady does not fear the Munroes! The Munroes are weak, and they will fall within a day under our mighty organization's assault!"

Tawni, Don Grady's secretary for lack of a better term, came running into Don Grady's headquarters. "Don Grady! Don Grady!" she shouted. "The police are not going to protect us anymore!" The chief of police seemed to think that the money that Don Grady paid him is not enough to ensure his cooperation anymore.

"Ha!" Don Grady exclaimed. "Don Grady does not fear the police; the police fears Don Grady!" And this statement seemed to be grounded in truth, as the Mitchell Syndicate had far better weapons than the police could even dream of.

Zora, Don Grady's other secretary and right-hand man (or was it woman?) came running into his headquarters. "Don Grady! Don Grady!" she shouted. "Your wife is coming!" Don Grady's wife, Sonny, was from the Munroe family, and nobody knew why she stuck with her husband while the rest of her family split off from him.

Don Grady turned in fear at Zora's words. "Huh? Don Grady's wife, he fears!" he said. "Hide me!" And he yelped as he jumped into his car, which was conveniently located inside his HQ.

Don Grady's wife Sonny finally came in. "All right!" she shouted at Don Grady's lieutenants. "Where is that good-for-nothing husband of mine? You can't hide from me, Grady!" She somehow noticed Don Grady peeking from his car, and she followed him into the car.

"NO!" Don Grady shouts! "HELP ME!" And his car rocked wildly as he was attacked by his own wife.

Nico turned to Tawni and asked her, "Why am I suddenly reminded of Jurassic Park?"

"I don't know, Nico," Tawni replied, "but Don Grady's wife has got to be half-raptor!"

Nico could only look at Tawni in surprise, then at the camera.

* * *

"**Protection"** (Warning: Possibly restricted content included; reader discretion is advised)

Don Nico Harris was the head of the up-and-rising Harris Group. He was smart, and he knew that he needed to ally his group with a strong organization so that he can gain both protection and benefits. He also knew that there was a price to pay for such a deal, but he was willing to pay whatever is asked of him.

Grady, his right-hand man, approached him and said, "Don Nico, I've come in contact with the Hart family." The Hart Organization was one of the more powerful groups in the city, and they were known for their extreme loyalty to each other. Nico was not really expecting anything from the Harts, but here he was, facing the possibility that he could finally make his big break and become a successful mobster.

But of course he can't allow his excitement to show through. "Really?" he asked Grady emotionlessly. "What did they say?"

"They said that they are willing to give us protection," Grady replied.

"Protection? What kind of protection?"

Grady suddenly held up a condom. "This kind of protection, Don Nico!" he said. He then held up another condom, which was colored red. "And it comes in strawberry, too!"

* * *

"**Facebook"**

Doña Sonny Munroe of the Munroe Crime Families had gathered her two faithful lieutenants for what she called "an urgent business meeting. "Doña Tawni, Doña Zora," she said, "I've gathered you here today because of an urgent matter."

"What is it, Dona Sonny?" asked Doña Tawni.

Doña Sonny replied, "When we tried to kill Don Chad, the police was waiting for us. When we tried to rob that bank, the police was waiting for us. When we tried to take over that speakeasy, the police was waiting for us. Do you know what this means, sisters?" she asked them. "Do you?"

"No, Doña Sonny," Doña Zora replied in what she hoped was an honest tone. "What _does_ it mean?"

"It means that one of my friends in Facebook is a police officer, my sisters!" Doña Sonny shouted as she pounded her fist on the table. "From now on, no one will post our activities or gigs on my Wall, all right?"

Tawni and Zora could only look at Sonny, then at the camera.

* * *

"**Rat"**  
Doña Tawni Hart of the Hart Organization had just been betrayed by someone she thought of as very trustworthy. As she gathered her lieutenants, she asked them, "My brothers and sisters, has that rat that betrayed me to the authorities been taken care of?"

Zora, Tawni's right-hand woman, replied, "Yes, Doña Tawni. The hitman is coming back right now."

The assassin, a woman named Sonny, went into Tawni's headquarters. "So, Sonny," Tawni asked, "have you taken care of the rat?"

"I don't think so, Doña Tawni," Sonny replied. "It bit me!" She held up the rat biting her finger. "I was just trying to feed it the poisoned pellets when it attacked! Now I can't get it off!"

Doña Tawni recoiled in shock and said, "Ew! Get it away from me!" As her lieutenants backed away from the rat, Sonny could only cry and look at the camera.

* * *

"**Gun"**

Doña Zora Lancaster of Clan Lancaster was the most powerful female don in Gangland. Because of this, lots of smaller syndicates and organizations swore allegiance to her, and she served to protect everyone's interests so that they could all profit. She always went around with at least two bodyguards, as her power had made her a prime target for jealous gangs who wanted to replace her as Gangland's top dog.

Today, two families, the Mitchell Syndicate and the Harris Group, were coming to swear their allegiance to her. They met at an abandoned warehouse, where Sonny and Tawni were guarding Zora as Grady and Nico went into the warehouse.

"On behalf of the Mitchell and Harris families," said Grady, "and as their legal envoys, we would like to swear our allegiance to the Lancaster family."

"Thank you, my good man," replied Zora. "As head of Clan Lancaster, I accept the Mitchell Syndicate and the Harris Group's oaths of allegiance."

"Thank you, Doña Zora," said Grady. "And as a token of our new friendship, my bosses would like to give you this." He suddenly pulled out a pistol from his trench coat, which surprised Sonny and Tawni very much.

"GUN!" both of them shouted.

Zora shouted in fear, and then she took her own pistol and shot Grady. Grady dropped to the floor, with his hands clutching his bloody coat.

"My bosses would just like to give you this pistol as a symbol of our new alliance," Grady croaked before he croaked.

Zora could only wince at the camera.


	4. Fourth of July Week

A/N: This is part two of the So Random Gags chapters, but this time, it's about the American Revolution. I have more sketches, but I haven't got around to typing them up. Anyways, here's the _Fourth of July Week_!

Narrator: Today on _So Random_, it's _Fourth of July Week_!

(Cut to the _So Random_ cast in Revolutionary gear and in 18th century clothes)

(Nico and Grady fire muskets at the British)

(Sonny and Tawni shake hands, as if concluding a deal)

(Zora is hanged by a masked executioner)

(Title card shows _So Random Gags: Fourth of July Week_ handwritten on parchment)

* * *

"**Suffering"**

Nico was soldier of the British Army. His unit had just captured Grady, one of the American rebels. He was tasked with extracting information from Grady. "Tell me, where's is Washington's Continental Army?" Nico shouted as he dunked Grady into the barrel of water. "Tell me! Or I will make you suffer!"

When his head was brought out of the water, Grady said, "It wouldn't make a difference if I told you where he is."

"Why is that?" asked Nico.

"If I tell you where he is, it's Washington who will make me suffer." Grady replied.

Nico could only look at Grady then at the camera.

* * *

"**Chest"**

Tawni was a commander in the British Army, which was a rare sight among the Redcoats. Her unit had just captured Sonny, a spy for the American rebels. She and her second-in-command Grady were trying to extract information from Sonny. "Tell me where the Continental Army is!" Tawni shouted at Sonny. Grady then dunked Sonny's head into the water.

When Sonny didn't say anything, Tawni ordered, "Again!" Grady dipped Sonny into the water again. But this seemed to have no effect on Sonny.

Grady turned to Tawni and said, "Leftenant, I suggest we suspend this procedure indefinitely. Our captive is all wet."

"Why, Sergeant?" Tawni asked. "What does her being wet have to do with suspending the procedure?"

"Whenever I look at her chest," Grady admitted, "it is I that drowns!"

Sonny could only smile sheepishly at the camera.

* * *

"**Admit It!"**

Grady was just a soldier in the British Army, and the duty of extracting information from Nico, an African-American spy, had fallen on him. "Admit it!" he shouted. "You are an associate of the spy Nathan Hale!"

"I will not admit it!" Nico shouted back.

"Admit it!" Grady shouted as he dunked Nico into the water.

Sonny, Grady's commander, suddenly entered the cell. "Sergeant!" she shouted. "What are you doing? Are you torturing our captive?"

"I am not, Leftenant!" Grady replied.

"Oh, so _you're_ not going to admit it, eh?" Nico suddenly said. "Admit it!" And he grabbed Grady's collar and dunked him into the water.

* * *

"**Barrel"**

Zora was one of the more notorious torturers among the British. Poor Tawni was her latest victim. "Tell me," she shouted, "where is George Washington?" She then dunked Tawni into the water.

When her head was lifted out of the water, Tawni said, "All right! I'll tell you where he is!"

"Good!" Zora said. "Where is he?"

"He's at the bottom of the barrel!" And Tawni pointed at the bottom of the barrel.

Zora could only look at Tawni, then at the camera.

* * *

"**Mermaid"**

"I am Captain Grady "Soap" Mitchell of His Majesty's Royal Marines, and I can make anyone talk!" Grady shouted proudly. "Now, talk!" And he dunked Zora into the water, and then lifted her head up. He repeated this process three times, until he was too tired to continue the torture.

"What kind of girl is this?" he moaned. "I've dunked her in the water for an hour already, and yet she's not talking!"

"If I may have permission to speak, Captain," Nico, Grady's assistant in the torture, said. "She won't talk to you after dunking her into the water, Captain. She's a mermaid!" He points at something currently out of the camera's view. "She's used to the water!"

The camera finally panned out to reveal Zora's tail, and then Grady and Nico could only look at the camera.

* * *

"**Constitution"**

Nico dunked Sonny into the water and shouted, "Tell me where the signatories of the United States Constitution are!"

"Why?" Sonny asked. "Give me a good reason!"

Nico looked around nervously, as if someone might be watching him, and then he leaned closer to Sonny and whispered, "I bought a copy of your Constitution. Can you hook me up with the signatories and get them to autograph my copy? Thanks!"

Sonny could only look at Nico in confusion then at the camera.

* * *

"**Necklace"**

Tawni dunked Grady into the water. "Admit it!" she shouted. "You stole my necklace!"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Grady shouted, but, wonder of all wonders, the necklace was between his teeth! He _was_ the thief!

* * *

"**Dirty Face"**

Zora was dunking Nico in the water when Sonny came in. "What are you doing to our captive?" Sonny asked Zora. "Are you torturing him?"

Zora lifted Nico, whose face now looks like Grady, out of the water, and told Sonny, "No, Leftenant, I'm just trying to clean this man's dirty face; see if there's any skin underneath all that dirt!"

Grady's face could only smile at the camera.

* * *

"**Washing Your Face"**

Tawni dunked Sonny into the water. "Tell me the truth!" she shouted. "Is it true that you do not wash your face?"

"How can I say that," Sonny answered back, "now that you've dunked me into the water? My face is clean now, thanks to you!"

Tawni winced at her mistake. "Oops," she mumbled.

* * *

"**Hide and Seek"**

Grady dunked Tawni into the water and shouted, "Tell me, where is Benjamin Franklin hiding?"

"That's unfair!" Tawni shouted back. "You invite us to play hide and seek, and then you ask me where Ben is hiding? That's unfair!"

Grady could only look in confusion at the camera.

* * *

"**Anders"**

Sonny dunked Nico into the water and shouted, "You are a proven associate of the Dutch rebel Anders der Skirt. Now, tell me, where is he hiding?"

"Where else?" Nico said. "Under his wife's skirt!"

Tawni, who suddenly appeared inside Nico's cell, lifted up her skirt, revealing Grady as Anders der Skirt underneath it.

"Hi, I'm Anders," he said, "and I'm under my wife's skirt!"

* * *

"**Changing Sides"**

Zora dunked Grady into the water. "Tell me," she said, "are you a member of Washington's Continental Army?"

"That's not true!" Grady moaned. "I changed sides!"

"Since when did you change sides?" asked a disbelieving Zora.

"Since you Redshirts captured me!" Grady shot back.

Zora could only look at the camera.

* * *

"**Spy"**

Sonny dunked Zora into the water "Admit it!" she shouted. "You're a spy! Now, tell me, where are you bloody Americans hiding our commander?"

Tawni suddenly entered the cell. "Stop this procedure immediately, Leftenant Munroe!" she shouted.

"Why should I do that, Leftenant Hart?" Sonny asked.

"That's our new commander, Captain Lancaster!" Tawni replied.

Zora glared at Sonny, who could only wince at the camera.

* * *

"**Cheater"**

Tawni shouted, "Tell me where the Continental Army is!"

"Okay, I'll tell you!" Nico shouted back.

"You cheater!" Tawni moaned. "I was supposed to dunk you into the water first before you spilled the beans!" And she dunked Nico into the water.

* * *

"**Just Between Us"**

Sonny dunked Grady into the water. "Tell me where the Continental Army is!" she demanded.

"All right, I'll tell you!" Grady said. "But only on one condition!"

"What is that condition?" Sonny asked.

"This is just between the two of us, okay?" Grady whispered into Sonny's ear. "You don't tell anybody else about this! Not your superiors, not your underlings, not anyone in the Royal Army, no one else! Got that?"

Sonny could only look at the camera.

* * *

"**I Love England"**

Grady dunked Nico into the water. "Admit it!" he shouted. "Admit it!"

"All right!" Nico shouted once his head was above water. "I'll admit it! I love England! I love England! God save the King and all that! Happy now?"

Grady could only look at Nico, then at the camera.


	5. Real Princesses of New Jersey

A/N: These are some more misadventures, or should I say, fairy tails, of the Real Princesses of New Jersey. There will be some accidents, and this also features a special guest appearance by Chad Dylan Cooper! (Watch out for him, he's easy to miss here ;-) As you know, they speak in a Jersey accent in this sketch. Sit back, enjoy, and review!

Sonny – Snowy

Tawni – Cindy

Zora – Beauty

* * *

_We're the Real Princesses of New Jersey!_

* * *

"**Feet"**

Cindy came running into the princesses' house. As she practically threw herself on the couch, Beauty walked up to her and asked, "Hey, Cindy! Why are you so out of breath?"

"Prince Grady's ball lasted past midnight," Cindy replied. "And you know me; I'm not supposed to stay out after midnight."

Cindy had a flashback to the time when she was being interviewed by _The Real Princesses of New Jersey_. "I hate balls that last past midnight," she said. "I mean, really, really hate them. My chariot always turns into a pumpkin at midnight, and my horsemen turn into mice at midnight! You know, if this goes on, I'll have the maker of my chariot punished! Either that or I'm just a magnet for bad luck!"

Cindy was brought back to the present when Snowy went down and asked her, "Hey, Cindy, what's happened to you down at Prince Grady's ball?"

"You really want to know?" Cindy sat up. "All right, I'll tell. There I was, in Prince Grady's ball, just partying and stuff, when the clock struck midnight. What really ticked me off back then was that midnight came just as I was about to dance with Prince Grady!"

The audience was treated to another flashback. Cindy, who was just about to dance with Prince Grady, suddenly looked up when she heard the bells toll. "Oh, no!" she said. "It's almost midnight already!" Without bothering to apologize to the Prince, she ran away.

"Wait!" shouted Prince Grady, but Cindy was already. And then noticed something on the ground and picked it up. It was Cindy's glass shoe. Baffled, he called for Captain Nico, the commander of his royal guard.

"What is it, my liege?" he asked as he went to the Prince's side.

"I need you to find the owner of this shoe," Prince Grady ordered him.

"Easily done, my liege," Nico replied with a hint of confidence in his voice. "I will match that shoe to its partner, and whoever among our princesses owns the partner must be the person you're looking for."

"I'm afraid that can't be done, Captain. She left her other shoe here as well." Prince Grady then held up Cindy's other glass shoe.

"Well then, my liege," Nico replied, "I will try to find the princess whose feet fit those shoes."

"I'm afraid that can't be done too, Captain."

"Why is that, my liege?"

"Hold these for me, will you?" Prince Grady handed Cindy's glass shoes to Captain Nico without waiting for his reply and picked up something else on the floor. "She left her feet, too, Captain." He held up Cindy's feet to prove his point.

Captain Nico screamed and threw away Cindy's shoes in surprise.

"Now you see why your proposals to find this princess are always useless," Prince Grady told him.

The audience's perspective was brought back to the Princesses' house, where Snowy and Beauty were just as shocked with Cindy's story as Prince Grady and Captain Nico were.

"So that's why you look like you stubbed out your feet!" Snowy finally said after she recovered.

"I know, right?" Cindy added. Then she held up the stumps that were once her feet for everyone to see.

"Eew!" shouted Beauty.

* * *

"**Rite of Passage"**

Prince Chad was currently undergoing an "unpaid internship" with the New Jersey Messenger Service. His job was to announce important events to the people of New Jersey. That was why he entered the princesses' house. "All the citizens of New Jersey are invited to attend Prince Chad's rite of passage at six o'clock tonight, in Prince Grady's castle," he announced in a large voice.

The audience was treated to flashbacks of interviews of Snowy and Prince Chad given to _The Real Princesses of New Jersey_. "Good thing Prince Chad finally decided to have his rite of passage," Snowy said. "He's like, the only prince in New Jersey who still hasn't gone through the rite of passage!"

"To tell you the truth, I'm a little frightened with the rite of passage," Prince Chad admitted during the interview. "I've heard rumors of how they do it, what happened to the initiates. I don't know if I can do this, man; I'm plain scared."

Finally, the moment of truth had come. Everyone had gathered at Prince Grady's castle to watch Prince Chad's rite of passage. Everyone was wearing their best suits and gowns for the occasion. Prince Grady, as the officiator of the rite, was wearing an ornate scarlet and purple robe over his princely attire, and a necklace of gold and precious stones hung from his neck. Prince Chad, as the initiate, was wearing a plain white robe and nothing else. He looked very nervous.

"Who here is the candidate for the rite of passage?" Prince Grady boomed. "Please present yourself and step onto the stage."

"Oh, that would be me," Prince Chad said as he stepped onto the stage and knelt before a large rock.

"Now, Prince Chad Dylan of the House Cooper," Prince Grady asked him, "what cut would you like me to administer? Barber's cut or German cut?"

Prince Chad swallowed visibly. "I would like the German cut, please," he said.

"It is settled, then!" Prince Grady told the crowd. "Prince Chad shall have the German cut, just as he wishes. Captain Nico, bring me my sword," he ordered. Nico went back holding a broadsword lying on a scarlet velvet cushion. "The Royal Circumciser, sir," he said. Prince Grady took the sword, swung it around in his hand and tested its sharpness on a block of wood before turning back to Prince Chad.

"Captain Nicholas, please hold our initiate down and make sure that his 'thing' doesn't move," he told Nico. "I have a wee bit of a problem with my eyesight."

"A wee problem?" Chad moaned.

"As you say, my liege," Nico said as he held Chad down by the shoulders.

"Prince Chad of the House Cooper, I declare your rite of passage a success!" Prince Grady said as he brought his sword down on Prince Chad's "thing".

"Ow!" Prince Chad shouted. "Oh, my gosh! It hurts! Ouch! Oh, the pain! I want my mommy! Ow, it hurts! It's unbearable! Ooh…." And he fainted in Captain Nico's arms.

"Eew!" Snowy, Cindy, and Beauty said as they looked away from the rite.

"I think I tasted something that spurted out of Prince Chad's 'thing'!" Cindy said and spat something out.

"Double eew!" Beauty said.

* * *

"**Fakes"**

Someone knocked at the princesses' door. Snowy, being the one in the living room, asked, "Who is it?" and opened the door, revealing an exhausted Captain Nico. "Captain Nicholas?" she said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"I'll tell you later," Nico replied in a panicky voice. "Just let me in right now!"

"Okay." Snowy stepped away from the door to let Nico in, who immediately sank into a chair. "What happened?" Snowy asked him.

"It's a long story."

Just then, Beauty entered the room, yawning. "Who is it, Snowy?" she asked.

"Ah!" Nico shouted in horror. "Sleeping Beauty!"

"Hey!" Beauty shouted back. "What did I do to you to make you so scared of me, Captain Nico?"

The audience is allowed to see Beauty's flashback interview. "I honestly don't know why he's scared of me," she told _The Real Princesses of New Jersey_, referring to Captain Nico. "I may have tried to trip him during his promotion, or place chili in his trousers during the arrival of the Princess of Costa Luna, but I don't have a grudge against him. Seriously!"

Back at the princesses' house, Snowy had just given Captain Nico a glass of water. "Come on, Captain, tell us your story," she said as soon as he finished the glass.

"All right." Nico sat up in his seat. "It went just like this…."

Once again, the audience is treated to a flashback to the events surrounding Nico's run for his life. Captain Nico was making his rounds around the castle when he happened upon a bed that looks very much like the one that Beauty used. On the bed was a woman who was very much like Beauty. Suddenly, Nico had a brilliant idea. For too long, he had been suffering silently under the ruthless pranks of Sleeping Beauty. Now, he decided, he would be the one pranking her. He moved quickly to the bed, looked around to make sure there were no witnesses, and kissed Beauty, who suddenly woke up.

Nico knew that something had gone very, very wrong. "Wait a minute!" he said. "You weren't supposed to wake up! I'm not a real prince!"

"Oh, it's okay," the Beauty look-alike said as she turned away from the camera. When she faced the camera again, a fat, blond-haired man that bore a striking resemblance to Prince Grady appeared in the Beauty look-alike's place and said, "I'm a fake princess too!" He suddenly grabbed Nico's collar and tried to kiss him.

"No!" Nico pushed the Beauty/Prince Grady look-alike and ran for his life. "Help me!" he shouted at the top of his lungs.

The audience now returns to the princesses' house. "…And that's why I ended up running for my life and forced to seek shelter in your house," Nico finished. "Man, I'm famished from all that running. I don't think I can sleep, with the memory of that lookalike still fresh in my mind."

"Eat this, Captain," Snowy said, offering Nico an apple. "It'll help."

"Thanks, Snowy!" Nico said as he hungrily bit the apple. Suddenly, the gleeful look on his face became a surprised one, and he said "Oh, dear!" and promptly fainted.

"It works every time," Snowy said as she looked down on Nico's sleeping form.

"He's just like Cindy," Beauty added. "Never wises up to the apple thing!"

* * *

_We're the real princesses of New Jersey!_


	6. Job Jobless

A/N: This is a completely original sketch about a hapless jobseeker, but I just adapted it from a local comic strip. I'm acknowledging the creator just in case he sees this and thinks of suing me. And to think that I can't hire Sally Jenson to fight for me…

Anyways, read and review!

* * *

Grady – Job Jobless

Tawni – Job's Mom

Nico – Job's Friend Robert

* * *

_He's your quintessential jobseeker_

_But he looks like a bottom feeder_

_For those things in the office, he's hapless_

_You should know, he's Job Jobless!_

"It's pronounced "Yobbles, thank you very much!" Job shouted.

* * *

"**Interview"**

Robert Friend, Job Jobless's friend, carefully adjusted Job's tie. Finally, Job had decided to apply for a new job—again. "'Why should we hire you for this job?'" he said. "That question is frequently asked during job interviews. Just remember to tell them that a new employee is a good hire because you don't have any horns yet, you know? You don't yet have the competitive drives of a career employee." He gave Job a good look and added, "You're all set, buddy."

"Thanks, Rob," Job replied.

At the employer's place, Job waited patiently until he was finally called. Sure enough, as soon as he had introduced himself to his prospective employer, she asked him why she should hire him for the job. Job, knowing his chance had finally come, carefully crafted his reply before saying, "Well, ma'am, a new employee is good because, well, I am not yet horny, you know?" He proceeded to raise his eyebrows suggestively, which creeped out his prospective employer.

* * *

"**Graveyard Shift"**

Ms. Zenaida Ritchie (played by Zora) was the human resources manager of the 5th Avenue branch of the International Bank of Business and Credit. After a very slow day at work, someone had finally decided to apply for a job. She looked at the jobseeker's résumé, then at the jobseeker himself. "Well, Mr. Jobless…."

"It's pronounced 'Yobbles,' ma'am," Job Jobless corrected her.

"I see," Ms. Ritchie replied. "Okay, Mr. _Jobless_, it says here on your resume that you have neither knowledge nor experience in the security guard industry; yet you're applying for a position as a security guard." She put down the résumé and looked Job squarely in the eye. "Tell me, Mr. Jobless, what _do_ you know about this job?"

"I admit that I only the basics of the job that I'm applying for, ma'am, but there is one thing that I know well." And Job promptly fell asleep on his chair. Suddenly, Job was kicked out of the office and into a stinky alley.

"That's why I applied for the graveyard shift!" Job shouted at them.

* * *

"**Revenge"**

"I've been fired from my new job—again," Job Jobless told the audience as they watched him remove his messenger's ballcap and take his last paycheck from his latest former employer.

"As I left my place of employment," he continued, "I chanced upon the elevator that the company's top brass was taking to their basement lunchroom." The audience watched him enter the elevator with the top brass.

"When we arrived on the ground floor, I set loose an ATOMIC FART™!" A loud bang shook the office as Job blasted out of the elevator. "I also used the methane-powered propulsion to escape."

"Just one way of exacting revenge on the capitalist bourgeoisie by Job Jobless—working-class man!" He smiled as he walked away from the brown smoke emanating from the elevator in the background.

* * *

_He's your quintessential jobseeker_

_And he's an excellent flatulancer_

_If you smell his farts, you're helpless_

_You should know, he's Job Jobless!_

"How many times do I have to tell you, it's 'Yobbles'!" Job shouted again.


	7. The Vampire Gags

A/N: Once again, here I am, making short gags for the So Random gang, which in real life has broken apart but in my mind's eye, has not. And since it's said that Chad will become part of the So Random cast, he will be making his fictional debut in the show here! In these gags! So watch out for him! He's managed to sneak himself in very well…

* * *

_In the face of the many monster movies and undead flicks floating around our cinemas today, So Random presents, the Vampire Gags!  
_(Think of the title card of The Vampire Diaries, but replace Diaries with Gags)_  
_

* * *

"**Doctor"**  
Grady: (Enters the vampire's lair) Die, vampire!

Tawni: (Wakes up) Hey!

Grady: (Screams in surprise)

Tawni: What are you doing here, human? Are you trying to kill me?

Grady: (Throws his stake aside) No! I'm actually a doctor! I'm here to operate on your non-beating heart!

(Tawni looks at Grady then at the camera questioningly)

* * *

"**Bite"**  
(Sinister music plays as Nico and Zora enter the vampire's lair)

Nico: (Opens the vampire's coffin) Die, vampire!

Sonny: (Wakes up and stops Nico's stake) Not if I can help it! (Bites Nico's wrist)

Nico: Ah! I've been bitten! I may turn into a vampire, too!

Zora: Really? (Stabs Nico with her stake) Die, soon-to-be vampire! Die!

Nico: Ouch! (Stares pitifully at the camera then does a death pose)

* * *

"**Blood"**  
(Sinister music plays as Nico enters the vampire's lair)

Nico: (Opens the vampire's coffin) Die, vampire!

Grady: (Wakes up and stops Nico's stake) For that, human, you will pay! (Bites Nico in the neck) Mmm! That's some good blood! But wait. Why does it taste weird? And I'm feeling something strange in my gut. I feel like…I feel like… (Grunts, then farts)

Nico: Oh, man! That's some mean undead fart! It's almost like an ATOMIC FART™! (Wears a gas mask)

Grady: What blood type do you have, human?

Nico: AB negative.

Grady: Oh. AB negative never goes well for me.

* * *

"**Cute"**  
(Sinister music plays as Grady and Sonny enter the vampire's lair)

Grady: (Opens the vampire's coffin and tries to stab him with a stake but hesitates) I can't do this. You do it. (Hands his stake to Sonny)

Sonny: Why are you hesitating?

Grady: He's cute! It would be a tremendous shame if I kill him now!

(Sonny looks at Chad, the cute vampire, and then back at the camera)

* * *

"**Gun"**  
(Grady and Tawni enter the vampire's lair)

Grady: (Opens the vampire's coffin) Die, vampire! (Is about to stab the vampire when he hesitates)

Tawni: Why are you stopping now? You already have your stake pointed at the vampire's chest!

Grady: I know, but he's got a gun pointed at me!

(Nico looks up from his coffin and raises his eyebrows suggestively)

* * *

"**Celebrity Practical Jok'd"**  
(Zora enters the vampire's lair and opens the vampire's coffin)

Zora: Die, vampire! (Stabs the vampire with her stake)

Chad: Ouch! Hey, Zora Lancaster, you just got Celebrity Practical Jok'd! Happy birthday! (Does a death pose)

* * *

"**Lullaby"**  
(Sinister music plays as Nico and Grady enter the vampire's lair)

Nico: (Opens the vampire's coffin) I can't do this, man! You do it, man! Kill her!

Grady: What are you talking about? You can do it!

Nico: No, I can't!

Grady: Hey! The more time that we waste arguing here, the more chances are that we could wake up the vampire!

(Nico's cellphone rings, and Sonny, the vampire, wakes up)

Grady: Look at what you've done! You've woken up the vampire! Didn't I tell you to place your cell on silent mode once we went to kill the vampire?

Nico: (Hastily kills his cell) It's my wife. She's worried! Now, about the vampire, put her back to sleep!

Grady: Oh, man. You're not making it easy for me, are you? (Turns to Sonny in the coffin) _Rock-a-bye, vampire, in-the-coffin/When-the-townspeople-scream, your-castle-will-fall_…

(Sonny goes back to sleep)

* * *

"**Toothpick"**  
(Sinister music plays as Chad enters the vampire's lair)

Chad: (Opens the vampire's coffin and brings out a toothpick) Die, vampire!

Zora: (Wakes up) Aha! Puny human! Are you seriously going to try to stab me with that toothpick? (Laughs maniacally)

Chad: Yes, it may be just a toothpick, but look at the hammer that I'm going to use to force it into your undead heart! (Brings out Mjolnir) I'm Thor!

(Zora screams as Chad hammers the toothpick into her chest)

* * *

"**Human"**  
(Sinister music plays as Sonny enters the vampire's lair)

Sonny: (Opens the coffin and sees the vampire) Ah! Vampire!

Tawni: (Wakes up and sees Sonny) Ah! Human! Go away! (Closes her coffin shut)

(Sonny looks nervously at the camera)

* * *

"**Die!"**  
(Sinister music plays as Nico enters the vampire's lair and opens the coffin)

Sonny: (Suddenly wakes up and stabs Nico with a stake) Die, vampire!

Nico: (Looks at the stake in his chest before stabbing Sonny with his own stake) No. _You_ die, vampire!

(Both Sonny and Nico do death poses)

* * *

"**Where is She?"**  
(Sinister music plays as Grady and Sonny enter the vampire's lair)

Grady: (Opens the coffin but finds nobody inside) Hey! Where's the vampire in here? Didn't you tell me that the vampire was here?

Sonny: Yeah.

Grady: Well then, have you seen her in here?

Sonny: Yeah, I have.

Grady: Really? Okay, so where is she?

Sonny: She's right here.

Grady: (Gets nervous) What do you mean, in here?

Sonny: She's right here. She's me. I'm the vampire. (Shows her fangs and then bites Grady)

* * *

"**Who is She?"**  
(Sinister music plays as Sonny and Chad enter the vampire's lair)

Chad: (Opens the vampire's coffin) Are you sure that this is the one?

Sonny: Of course I am.

Chad: She doesn't look like a vampire to me. Who is she, really?

Sonny: She's my husband's ex-girlfriend. Lately, though, she's been flirting with him again. You know what to do! Do it!

(Chad looks at Tawni, the ex, and then at the camera)

* * *

"**Sick"**  
(Sinister music plays as Sonny and Tawni enter the vampire's lair)

Tawni: (Opens the vampire's coffin but hesitates) Should we really kill this vampire? I mean, I feel sorry for her.

Sonny: Feel sorry for her? Why would you feel sorry for her? She killed your family years ago! Tell me, why would you suddenly have a change of heart?

Tawni: She looks sick.

Sonny: What makes you think she looks sick?

Tawni: Look at that thing!

(Camera pans out to reveal the IV line attached to Zora's arm, and then Sonny and Tawni look quizzically at the camera)

* * *

"**I'll Sue You!"**  
(Sinister music plays as Nico enters the vampire's lair)

Nico: (Opens the vampire's coffin) Die, vampire!

Tawni: (Wakes up) What are you doing, human? Are you trying to kill me?

Nico: No, I…uh…

Tawni: Murderer! I'll sue you for what you tried to do to me tonight! And I'll bring in Sally Jenson as my lawyer, too.

Zora: (As Sally Jenson) I'm Sally Jenson, and I fight for her!

* * *

"**Chest"**  
(Sinister music plays as Chad and Zora enter the vampire's lair)

Chad: (Opens the vampire's coffin, pulls out a short stake, and contemplates it) Will this really work?

Zora: What are you doing? Stab her already!

Chad: Are you crazy? Look at our stake! It's barely like a toothpick! Do you think it will be able to pass through all that boob and strike her heart?

(Zora looks at Sonny's chest then at the camera)

* * *

"**Mask"**  
(Sinister music plays as Zora and Tawni enter the vampire's lair)

Tawni: (Opens the coffin but hesitates) Are you sure this is the vampire?

Zora: Of course, I'm sure he's the vampire! Can't you see the bats flying around in here? (Points at the bats flying around in the lair) What makes you think that he's not a vampire?

Tawni: Look at him! He's just wearing a vampire mask!

Grady: (Wakes up and removes his vampire mask, revealing his Batman costume) Hey, visitors! Welcome to the Bat Cave! Hey, Robin! Robin! Serve these guys some refreshments! Heat up the hot chocolate if you have to!

(Zora and Tawni look at the camera)

* * *

"**Look Who's Talking!"**  
(Sinister music plays as Nico enters the vampire's lair)

Nico: (Opens the coffin) Die, minion of darkness!

Tawni: (Wakes up) Excuse me? Minion of darkness? Look who's talking! You're way darker than I am!

(Nico looks at his skin then at the camera)

* * *

"**Smash"**  
(Sinister music plays as Sonny enters the vampire's lair)

Sonny: (Opens the coffin and gropes for something) Oh, no. I think I forgot my stake!

Grady: (Wakes up and laughs maniacally) Fool! You forgot your stake! Now, what are you going to do? Kill me with your bare fists?

Sonny: (a la Phineas) Yes. Yes, I will. (Begins beating up Grady with her fists)

Grady: Ow! Ow! Oh! Mercy!

Sonny: Mercy? Well. Mr. Vampire, I'm half-French, and you just said "thank you!" Take this, undead _monsieur_! (Continues beating up Grady)

Grady: Ouch! Ooh…

* * *

"**Milk"**  
(Sinister music plays as Nico and Grady enter the vampires' lair)

Nico: I'll take the girl, you take the boy.

Grady: Got that.

(Nico and Grady split up and open the coffins of their respective targets)

Grady: (Stabs Chad in the chest) Oh, God! Some of this vampire's blood sprayed on me when I stabbed him. (Spits out the "blood")

Nico: Really? (Stabs Sonny in the chest) Oh, God!

Grady: What? What is it?

Nico: Some of this vampire's milk sprayed on me when I stabbed her.

Grady: Really? Can I have a sip?

Nico: Hey! I have first dibs on her. Go drink your own!

Grady: But I don't want to drink vampire's blood! Please! Just a sip!

(Nico looks disappointedly at the camera)

* * *

Disclaimer: My version of Sonny here has larger-than-average breasts, thereby making her the butt of their chest jokes. Just a pleasant reminder, not trying to drastically change anything...

Anyways, read and review!


	8. Atomic Farts

A/N: There isn't any major story in here; it's just a fill-in chapter of two short—but hopefully funny—sketches. Hope you enjoy them, and please leave a review if you liked it! Thanks! – GR

* * *

Atomic Fart – Trademark; either a drink that induces extreme farting, or the result of drinking said beverage.

* * *

Nico: Have you ever tried to evacuate your bowels dry and without passing gas?

(Nico grunts and moans in pain inside a bathroom stall)

Nico: Come out, will you!

Grady: Have you ever tried to exact revenge on your enemies by farting in the elevator, but your gastric juices won't follow you?

(Grady concentrates and grits his teeth but nothing comes out)

Grady: Just one tiny puff!

Extra: What?

Grady: None of your business!

Chad: Have you ever won a race by methane propulsion yet?

(Chad quickly falls behind the other racers, even though he made some flatulence)

Chad: Wait! Wait for me… (Faints)

Sonny, Tawni, and Zora: We've got the answers to your problems!

_Presenting the _ATOMIC FART™_!_ (Modulated)

Sonny: Here at Grossman Technologies, we used to use biology for military purposes. (Plays a video of a man farting in front of a criminal)

Tawni: But that was before. Now, we've turned our attention to the practical consumer. (Plays a video of a man eating an unknown gray substance and then farting loudly)

Zora: Now, we've created a drink that is a beverage, a laxative, and an energy drink at the same time.

(Nico, Grady, and Chad drink the ATOMIC FART™ in a triple split-screen)

(Nico grunts and then sighs in relief as a loud fart is heard)

Nico: Oh, the freedom!

(Grady grunts and steps out of the elevator just as he farts)

Grady: Ha! Back at you, you capitalist bourgeoisie!

(Chad concentrates and then blasts off towards the finish line, blue flames burning from his butt)

Chad: Yes! I win! Yes! No, no, no! (Runs into a wall)

Nico: Before, my bowel movement used to be irregular. Now, after drinking ATOMIC FART™, I always evacuate three times a day, after I eat!

Grady: Thanks to ATOMIC FART™, I'm now free to exact revenge whenever I please! Thank you, ATOMIC FART™!

Chad: I've never been the fastest runner in our neighborhood, but now, thanks to ATOMIC FART™, I've beaten the speed of sound, and now I'm on my way to beating the speed of light! By the way, I'll be happy to have GrossTech as my new sponsor.

ATOMIC FART™. _It ain't magic; it's atomic!_

_Available in Angry Apple, Blazing Blueberry, and Gassy Green Tea._

_Warning: Do not set fire to an _ATOMIC FART™, or else this could happen to you.

(Video of a nuclear explosion plays)

* * *

_We know that after having a good day's laugh with _So Random, _you're way too happy to sleep, or, if you're watching us on mornings, do whatever you have to do the next day. So, in order to help you relax, the _So Random _gang is going to present you some yoga poses._

* * *

Narrator: First up, Sonny Munroe with the Virabhadrasana.

(Sonny brings out her right arm in front of her and her left arm back, brings back her left hip, keeps the right knee bent and thigh parallel to the floor, and gazes over her right hand)

Narrator: Next, Tawni Hart and the Garudasana.

(Tawni brings her left leg up and crosses it over the right, hooks the left foot on her right calf, and then brings her arms out front and crossing the right arm over the left and touches the palms)

Narrator: Zora Lancaster and the Halasana.

(Zora lies on her back and lifts her legs over her head until they touch the floor)

Narrator: Nico Harris with the Ardha Matsyendrasana.

(Nico moves the sole of his right foot outside his left thigh, bends the left knee, tucks his left foot behind his right buttock, inhales, and brings his left arm up to his left ear)

Narrator: Here's Grady Mitchell with the Eka Pada Rajakapotasana.

(Grady bends his left knee, takes hold of the toes with his hands, lifts his elbows, and lets his head come back until it nearly touches the raised foot)

Narrator: Don't forget Chad Dylan Cooper and his Astavakrasana.

(Chad bends his right knee, brings the sole of his right foot close to the floor, threads his right arm under his right knee, lifts the sole of his right foot off the floor to bring his shin parallel to the floor, gets his right knee as high as possible, plants both palms on the floor as he lifts himself up, hooks his left ankle around his right, and then brings his torso parallel forward)

Narrator: And last, but not the least—

Marshall: (Interrupts) Hey, guys! The writers just brought in a new set of sketches today! I thought that maybe I'd pass these by you guys first before asking you to do it and—what in the world?

(Sonny, Tawni, Zora, Nico, Grady, and Chad are all tied up with each other on the floor of the stage)

Narrator: The Gordian Knot-asana!

(Marshall looks at the mess on the stage that is the So Random cast and scratches his head)

Chad: A little help here, Marshall?

All: Yeah!

Marshall: Oh, come on, guys, you know I don't do yoga!

* * *

A/N: Well, that's all for now, guys. I hope to add a new sketch or more gags later. See you again, and please leave a review if you liked it! - GR


	9. Job Jobless 2

A/N: This is part two of the Job Jobless sketch. He's finally landed himself a job that he does best, and he's been able to stay far longer than the rest of his old jobs combined. Read and review! – GR

* * *

_He's your quintessential jobseeker  
And now he's a '70s folksinger  
No longer is her penniless  
But his name's still Job Jobless!_

Grady: It's "Yobbles!" Never mind…

* * *

"**Folksinger"**

Grady's mom (Tawni) was talking to her sister Lana (Zora). "I'm so glad that Job finally landed a stable job with a high paycheck," she said. "He's a folksinger in a '70s bar—"

"Mom!" Job Jobless (Grady) screamed as he yanked his mom away from Aunt Lana. "Didn't I tell you not to tell anybody about my new job?" he asked her.

"Why, Job? I just said it to my friend."

"No, Mom! Don't you understand? Once you tell Auntie Lana a secret, she'll tell it to Alain, who'll tell it to Robert…"

Later, at the '70s bar where Job works, as he took to the stage, he noticed two familiar faces among the crowd, his friend Robert Friend (Nico) and his cousin Alain Wiseman (Sonny).

"Buddy!" Robert shouted as he waved his hands at Job.

"Hey! Our table's on the folksinger, okay?" Alain told the manager.

"Oh, no," Job muttered, and he could only facepalm himself at his bad luck.

* * *

"**Song Request"**

"Okay," Job said on the microphone, "we have here requests for James Taylor, Bob Dylan, and Neil Young…" He suddenly stared in surprise at the request list. He narrowed his eyes to see if he had read it wrong, but there was no mistaking it. It was what he had read the first time, all right.

"I know that I'm obligated to respect your requests if they're '70s or '80s songs," Job told the audience, "but even if you kill me right here and right now, you will never force me to sing 'Mandy'."

"Oh, come on!" Robert shouted. "Any Barry Manilow will do!"

Alain tried to stifle her laughter but failed. Instead, it came out as a series of snorts and coughing fits. But for her, it was worth it.

* * *

"**Road to Fame"**

"Seriously, though, Job, this is what we're going to do," Robert told a fuming Job as he sat down with them. "I'll videotape your performance here and then upload it on YouTube. Wasn't that how Arnel Pineda was discovered? Look at him now! He's now the lead singer for Journey!"

"So what?" Job asked Robert. "My singing voice isn't really that great."

"Oh, stop your self-deprecation, my friend!" Robert patted Job's back. "So come on, step on that stage and sing _Bohemian Rhapsody_ for me and Alain. And then go into Big Brother's House and let a huge butterfly land on you so you can replace Freddie Mercury!" Robert brought out his camcorder and pointed it at Job's face. Beside him, Alain was making a very good cover of Queen's _Bohemian Rhapsody_, down to the high-pitched _Galileo…_.

* * *

"**Big Man"**

"Hey, Job!" Robert shouted. "Why do you still have to use a mike? Aren't big people like you supposed to have great, rich voices?"

"Is that the way it is?" Alain asked him.

"Yeah. Take a look at Pavarotti and Aretha Franklin. A big body means a big speaker."

"You know," Alain mused, "when you think about it, Job does have a big voice. It's just coming out of the wrong hole. Watch out, he's about to let loose."

Job suddenly let loose an ATOMIC FART™, blasting everyone in a five-mile radius with deadly methane gas. Only Robert and Alain were quick enough to wear gas masks before being overwhelmed by Job's methane.

* * *

"**The Customer is Always Right"**

"Darn it!" Job shouted as he sat down beside Robert and Alain. "I say that we shouldn't always follow the rule that 'the customer is always right'. I think it is okay to sing reasonable requests like Kenny Rankin's version of 'Blackbird', but it's quickly gonna become unfair if they force me to sing Yoyoy Villame's version of 'Tears in Heaven'! I mean, who is this Yoyoy Villame guy? I don't know him at all! Do you guys know him?"

"I've never heard of him," Alain told him.

"Who are you talking about, man?" Robert replied.

Later on, Job was back on stage, singing Yoyoy Villame's version of Eric Clapton's "Tears in Heaven". "_Would you know my name, a-butsekik, if I saw you in heaven…?_" Throughout the song, he kept glancing at the angry manager glaring at him from the sides. _Please don't fire me, please don't fire me_, he wished in his mind.

* * *

_He's your quintessential jobseeker  
And now he's a '70s folksinger  
No more is he penniless  
But his name's still Job Jobless!_

Grady: I don't care anymore…

* * *

A/N: Yoyoy Villame is a Filipino singer who specializes in folk songs, pop, and nursery rhymes with an added comedic twist. I made a reference to his _Butsekik_ in the middle of the _Tears in Heaven_ intro. Anyways, another school week's about to start here in the Philippines, so I might not be able to update for a week, so leave a review if you liked it! - GR


	10. Love Hurts

A/N: Finally, what all the Channy fans have been waiting for: a Channy sketch! Actually, I saw this on a local comedy program, but I could just see Channy doing this, and I can't miss the opportunity. Anyways, here's _Love Hurts_!

* * *

"**Love Hurts"**

Sonny and Chad entered a restaurant and sat down. Nico, a waiter, gave them menus, and then Tawni entered, carrying a bottle of wine, which she then poured into two glasses.

"Wow, Chad," Sonny said. "Our first date."

"I know, right?" Chad replied.

They went silent for a few minutes. Suddenly, out of the blue, Sonny asked Chad, "Do you love me?"

"Of course!" Chad replied, a little surprised by Sonny. "Why would I not love you?"

"Maybe you'll be mad at me and not love me anymore if I do this!" She suddenly slapped Chad.

"Ouch!" He clutched his right cheek.

"See? I bet you hate me right now!"

"No! I still love you! I don't know, Sonny, maybe it's you who'll hate me if I do this!" He suddenly messed up Sonny's meticulously arranged hair.

"Hey! My hair!" She tried to fix her hair, but failed.

"See?" Chad shouted. "You hate me now! I know it!"

"No!" Sonny replied. "I still love you! Anyway, that wasn't that embarrassing. Maybe if I do this, you'll stop loving me!" She ripped off Chad's shirt.

"Watch it!"

"Ha! I knew it! You don't love me anymore, do you?"

"No, no! In fact, I love you even better because of that. But what if I do this? Will you still love me?" Chad poured wine on Sonny's head.

"What in the world?" she shouted.

"Aha! That's it! You don't love me anymore!" Chad pointed an accusing finger at Sonny.

Sonny wiped away the wine with a napkin. "No! That's not true!" she replied. How about this?" She took a picture on the wall and smashed it on Chad's head. "Will you still love me after I smash a picture frame on your head?"

"Ouch! The pain!" Chad shouted.

"Oh my god!" Sonny gasped. "You do hate me!"

"No! Come on, Sonny, you know me better than that!" Then Chad suddenly threw a pie into Sonny's face. "Do you still love me?" he asked her.

"What the—a pie!?"

"I knew it! I knew it!" Chad threw his hands up in despair. "You never loved me!"

"That's not true, Chad!" Sonny replied. "In fact, this is some good pie." She licked the pie on her face. "But how about this?" She smashed a plate on Chad's head. "Do you still love me now?"

"Hey, that hurts!" Chad shouted back.

"Aha! There you have it! You don't actually love me!"

"What are you talking about?" Chad asked Sonny. "I love you! I love you even after all what you did to me! But if I do this, will you still love me?" He suddenly choked Sonny.

"Oh, it's on!" Sonny gurgled through her squeezed windpipe. Chad let her go, and then they began fighting each other, hitting each other at every possible opportunity. Grady, the manager, was forced to intervene. "Wait!" he shouted at the two of them. "What kind of scuffle is this? Are you two fighting?"

Sonny and Chad replied together, while still holding each other's collars, "No, we're not fighting! We're loving!" They continued hitting each other while Grady, Nico, and Tawni could only stare mystified at the camera.

* * *

"**Dare to Ask"**

_And now, _So Random _dares to ask the questions you want to, but can't, or won't_.

Sonny: Why is it that when you want to know the time, you're stuck in a room without clocks or watches? Why?

Tawni: Why is it that there are sizes like extra-large and extra-small, yet there's no such thing as extra-medium? Why?

Zora: Why is it that you love someone who hates you, yet you hate someone who loves you? Why?

Nico: Why is it that classes are suspended _after_ the students have gone to school? Why?

Grady: Why is it that when you want to sleep, you can't, and yet when you need to stay awake, you become drowsy? Why?

Chad: Why is it that when you're planning to play a prank, you're so confident, and yet when you get caught, you act like you can't even hurt a fly? Why?

* * *

A/N: If you think you've got a good answer for their questions, please leave a review or PM me. The wittiest ones will be included in the next chapter or the chapter after that. Thanks! - GR


	11. Railroad Gags

A/N: I have a new set of gags here! This time, though, it's about trains and the people who keep laying themselves on the rails. Call it criticism, or a tribute, I don't care, as long as it will make you laugh. And now, here's _Railroad Gags_!

* * *

_Ah, the railroads. Evoking cherished memories of a long-gone age; an age when everybody minded their own business, when everybody was at peace with everyone else, when everything was still simple, and when—what in the world?! _(The So Random gang makes comedic surprised faces before the camera approaches them, and then the screen fades to black)

_We're not doing this to mock the people who intentionally or unintentionally end up on the rails. In fact, we're trying to do a tribute for them, but we did it in the language we knew best—laughter. And so, we present to you, the _Railroad Gags._ Any comments or suggestions will be gladly handled by our friendly operators standing by on this toll-free number._

* * *

"**Hanky"**

"Help me!" Tawni shouted. "I'm about to get run over by a train!"

"Oh, man!" Nico said, confused. "Here! Let me wrap this hanky over your eyes!"

"Why should I let you do that?" Tawni asked him.

"So you won't see the train when it crushes you to death! Yahoo!" Nico covered up Tawni's eyes as she looked at the camera in despair.

* * *

"**Picture"**

"Help me!" Grady shouted. "I'm about to be run over by a train!"

"OMG!" Zora shouted back. "Quick! Let me take your picture!"

"Huh? Why?"

"So the authorities will know how to reassemble you after the train runs you over! Say cheese!" She grabbed her iPhone and took Grady's picture while he looked pitifully at the camera.

* * *

"**Switch"**

Chad woke up and was surprised to find himself tied to the railroad tracks. "What am I doing here, bound to the rails?" he asked nobody in particular.

"We've made a pact with each other," someone replied beside Chad. He turned around in surprise and saw that it was Sonny, who was also tied to the rails like him. "We made it last night, when we were both smashed and high. We shall die together on these rails of oppression."

"Wait a minute," Chad said. "I don't remember making a suicide pact like. But if that's the case, then I would like to switch places with you. I can feel something sticking into my back right now." He untied himself, got up and out of the tracks, and left Sonny behind to be run over by the train.

"Hey!" she shouted. "Where are you going? Aah!" And a CGI train ran her over.

* * *

"**Resting"**

Tawni was just walking and minding her own business when she saw Nico lying on the railroad tracks in front of her. "Hey!" she shouted. "What are you doing there? Get out of the rails, a train's coming!"

"I know," Nico assured her. "I'm just resting here."

"Resting? On the rails? Really?" Tawni highly doubted that.

"No, the truth is that I was actually resting on the station's roof when it caved in and brought me down with it, and now I'm here on the tracks!" Nico explained. "The only reason that I can't get away is that I can't feel my legs right now, you know? I think I might have broken them or something, so I'm just gonna lie here and wait for my fate, okay?"

Tawni could only look mystified at the camera.

* * *

"**Magic Trick"**

"For my latest magic trick," Chad announced, "I shall cut this lady in half using that incoming train! Are you ready, milady?" he asked Sonny.

"Ready as I'll ever be," she replied.

"Okay! And a one, and a two, and a three!" A CGI train ran over Sonny, cutting her in half.

"OMG!" the crowd shouted. "Look at that! Only the girl's lower half was left on the rails!"

"Don't worry; I'm still alive," Sonny said up in the sky, and the camera panned away to reveal her upper torso flying with the help of bat-like wings. "I'm a _manananggal_." (A/N: A Filipino bloodsucking creature that can separate its torso from its legs)

"While we're on the topic," Chad said, "let me say something. I'm a vampire too!" He suddenly revealed his fangs. "We just staged this magic show to lure you humans into our trap! Now we have food and drinks, milady!" He and Sonny laughed maniacally as Tawni, Zora, Nico, and Grady clutched each other and looked helplessly at the camera.

* * *

"**I Was Here First!"**

Zora saw Grady lying on the train tracks. "What are you doing there?" she asked him. "Get out of the rails, man!"

"Hey!" he shouted back. "I was here first! If you want to lie down on these rails, you have to get in line like the rest of us!"

Zora turned around and saw Nico, Chad, Tawni, and Sonny tied, bound, and handcuffed but still waiting in line. "No cuts!" Sonny told her.

"Yeah!" the others concurred.

(A/N: Slight reference to _Princess Protection Program_, when Demi's character Rosie cut in front of the line in the cafeteria)

* * *

"**Camel"**

Chad saw Sonny lying down on the railroad. "What are you doing there?" he asked her. "Get off the tracks!"

"Don't worry," Sonny assured him. "That train will surely stop when the engineer sees me on the tracks."

"Ha!" Chad snorted. "With the size of your breasts, the engineer will think that that's a camel on the tracks, not a girl!"

Sonny could only look at her chest then at the camera.

* * *

"**Escape Artist"**

Grady quickly untied the ropes bounding him to the tracks and jumped away just as a CGI train went over the spot where he lay just a few seconds ago. "Yes! I did it! All right!" he cheered. "Oh, yeah! Uh-huh! I'm David Blaine! I'm Houdini! I'm an escape artist! Yeah—" He was suddenly run over by another train on another set of tracks that was just beside the tracks that he had just escaped from.

* * *

"**Ghost"**

Nico saw Tawni lying on the tracks. "What are you doing there, girl?" he asked her. "Get off of those tracks!"

"I can't even if I wanted to," Tawni replied matter-of-factly.

"Why?"

"A train ran over me already. I'm a ghost now, get it?"

Suddenly, a man wearing a balaclava with a skull painted on it entered the scene. "You're not a ghost!" he shouted at her. "I'm Ghost!" (A/N: Presenting Lieutenant Simon "Ghost" Riley of _Modern Warfare 2_!)

"Oh, whatever!" Tawni muttered in disgust before she disappeared. Nico and Ghost looked at each other before screaming and running away.

* * *

"**Wife"**

"Help!" Nico shouted. "Somebody help me!"

"Oh, man, Nico!" Grady said in surprise when he saw Nico tied to the tracks. "Just sit tight, buddy! I'll get you out of these tracks!" He stepped off the platform and began untying Nico's knots.

"Thanks, man," Nico told Grady. "Wait, Grady. I have something to confess to you."

Grady, who was busy untying Nico, asked in reply, "What is it?"

"I slept with your wife last night."

"WHAT!?" Grady shouted in outrage and shock. Suddenly, he tied Nico back to the tracks, and this time he made sure he had tied the Gordian knots he made on Nico very tightly.

"Hey, Grady, man, what are you doing?" Nico asked him.

"That's for sleeping with my Honey-Cured!" Grady shouted back, and then he left Nico on the rails, who could only stare at the camera helplessly.

* * *

"**Suicide"**

Sonny saw Tawni lying down on the tracks. "What are you doing there on the tracks?" she asked her. "Are you trying to commit suicide?"

"Yes!" Tawni shouted back defiantly. "Yes, I am!"

Sonny suddenly turned to the camera in surprise.

* * *

"**Unlucky"**

Chad cried as he laid himself on the train tracks. Zora saw what he was doing and asked him, "What are you doing there? Are you trying to commit suicide?"

"Yes," he replied tearfully.

"Why?"

"I have got to be the unluckiest person on Earth!" he moaned. "I want to end my life now, before my bad luck becomes a monster to this world!"

Zora suddenly laughed. "Well, what do you know?" she said. "I'm sorry to burst your bubble, mister, but I think your bad luck just struck again! No one's been using these tracks for a decade now! You should try out that new rail depot down the block. Maybe you could finally get lucky and get yourself run over by a train there! I'm sure there are lots of those down there!" She laughed some more and then walked away, leaving Chad looking curiously at the camera.

* * *

"**Die!"**

"Help me!" Sonny shouted. "Help me!" She struggled with her bonds to no avail.

"OMG!" Tawni said in surprise. "Somebody help me untie her!" She began untying Sonny's ties just as Chad arrived. "Come on!" Tawni told him. "Help me help her!"

"No," Chad replied. "I'm not gonna help her out. Feel free to help her, miss, but I'm not gonna help you help her."

"What? Why?" Tawni asked him.

"That's my wife!" Chad told her. "I put her there because I caught her cheating on me with the mayor! And you know what's worse? The mayor's a woman!" To Sonny, he said, "Die, you miserable wench!"

Sonny could only look imploringly at the camera.

(Disclaimer: This does not in any way reflect mine or Chad Dylan Cooper's views on LGBT rights)

* * *

"**Engineer"**

Zora saw Grady lying on the train tracks. "What are you doing there, man?" she asked him. "Are you trying to kill yourself?"

"No," Grady replied. "I'm sure that no trains will be passing by these rails while I'm here."

"What? How can you be so sure of that?"

"I drank with the engineer last night!" Grady explained. "Look at him over there right now!" He pointed at Nico, who was also passed out drunk on the rails, and then Zora looked at the camera incredulously.

* * *

"**Which Way?"**

"Please don't kill me, man!" Nico shouted. "I beg you! I have a wife and two kids! I have four sick grandparents and four very young grandchildren that I have to take care of!"

"Which way should we put him on the rails?" Grady asked Chad. "Backward or forward?"

Chad thought about that for a minute. Finally, he said, "What does it matter? They both look alike! Just put him on the rails!"

Sonny, Tawni, and Zora entered the scene. "All right, guys, let go of him now!" Sonny said.

"Anyway," Tawni told the audience, "it looks like another episode of So Random is over. We hope that you enjoyed our latest installment."

"Let's see each other again next time," Zora added, "here on…"

"_So Random_!" they all shouted. They then proceeded to jab and poke each other.

* * *

Please read and review! - GR


	12. Vampyris dollarensis

A/N: I just wanted to say before it's too late that most of the gags and sketches I posted here are really from local comedy shows like _Bubble Gang_ and _Banana Split_, and a comic strip series named _Pugad Baboy_. The only thing that really came from me was ATOMIC FART™, and it took me a very long time to come up with that. Anyway, after this note, I'll be making note of which gag came from which show or strip. Here's _Vampyris dollarensis_, a sketch about vampires that suck your money instead of your blood!

* * *

"_**Vampyris dollarensis**_**"**

Nico and Grady entered the scene, a darkened street with very few streetlights. They were both wearing black leather jackets over their clothes, as well as ballcaps and sunglasses, even though it was night.

"Good evening, Agent Tom," Agent Jerry (Nico) said.

"Good evening, Agent Jerry," Agent Tom (Grady) replied.

"Has there been any new activity in your sector, Agent Tom?"

"Unfortunately, Agent Jerry, there is."

Agent Jerry turned toward Agent Tom. "Most interesting, Agent Tom," he muttered. "Do tell more."

"There is a new threat in my sector, Agent Jerry." Agent Tom paused for effect. "It's _Vampyris dollarensis_."

Agent Jerry turned toward Agent Tom again, this time in surprise. "Wait," he said. "I thought that you had already eradicated the vampires in your sector last year."

"Those _Twilight_ lookalikes? Those Edward Cullen wannabes?" Agent Tom shook his head. "No, Agent Jerry, those were _Stregoni benefici_—this is an entirely new species altogether."

"Explain the difference."

"Stregonis suck blood, right? Well, _dollarensis_ sucks your wallet dry!"

Agent Jerry gasped. "This is most troubling, Agent Tom!" he said. "We must stop them at once!"

"Quiet!" Agent Tom said. "A pack of them is coming! Look, but don't stare."

A pack of three _dollarensis_ vampires entered the scene, specifically Sonny, Tawni, and Zora. "They look like Stregonis, Agent Tom," Agent Jerry muttered. "They're pale, and they scavenge for their food source."

"Be careful to not expose large amounts of money around them," Agent Tom warned.

"Creepy." A chill went down Agent Jerry's spine.

"Watch them prowl as they go on the hunt," Agent Tom muttered. "They're exhibiting signs of extreme hungriness."

The _dollarensis _pack (Sonny, Tawni, and Zora) gnashed their teeth and clawed at the air as they looked around for victims.

"What, or who, is their common prey?" Agent Jerry asked.

"Mostly affluent and well-to-do young men," Agent Tom replied.

Suddenly, Chad exited a nightclub that happened to be beside Agents Tom and Jerry. He was talking to someone on his cellphone, most probably his agent. "Okay, got that," he said to whoever was at the other end. "And then, about my new project…"

"Is that Chad Dylan Cooper, Agent Tom?" Agent Jerry asked. Agent Tom merely nodded. "Looks like the _dollarensis_ have found their next victim. What will they do to poor CDC?"

"Just watch," Agent Tom muttered.

Sonny, one of the members of the _dollarensis_ pack, laid her hand on Chad's shoulder and whispered into his ear, "Hey, handsome."

"Uh, hi," Chad replied, and then he returned to his cell. "As I was saying…" he told his agent, but Tawni cut him off. "Are you feeling tired?" she asked. "Want me to massage you?"

"Uh, sure." To his agent, he said, "I'll call you back." Then he killed the connection and pocketed his cellphone.

"Hey, you're Chad Dylan Cooper, right?" Zora said. "I'm such a huge fan of you and your shows! I especially love _Mackenzie Falls_!"

"Look at those beasts, kissing up to Chad Dylan Cooper!" muttered Agent Tom. "Oh, the horror!" He covered his mouth and made groaning noises.

"I can't bear not to look!" Agent Jerry said.

"Anyway, while we're on the subject," Sonny said, "can I have your wristwatch? I'm sure you can buy another one just like it. You've got a lot of money to spare, right?"

"Okay." Chad then gave Sonny his wristwatch.

"Ooh! That ring looks huge!" Tawni cooed. "Can I have it? I'm sure you can buy another one like it, too."

"Sure thing." And he handed Tawni his ring with the humongous cubic zirconium stone.

"Look at that cubic zirconium!" Tawni muttered. "That's gotta be worth a lot! And the ring itself is made of twenty-five karat gold! How expensive!"

"Hey, Chad, I'm a little short on money," Zora said. "You wouldn't mind lending me fifty thousand dollars, would you?"

"No, don't worry; I got this." And he gave Zora $50,000 in cash. In cash!

Zora riffled the bills. "Hello, Benjamin," she muttered.

"Okay, Agent Tom," Agent Jerry asked, "now that they've sucked him dry, what are they going to do to him?"

"They throw him away like garbage, Agent Jerry!" Agent Tom replied. "Like garbage! Watch closely."

Suddenly Sonny turned to Chad and said, "What are you still doing here? Go away!"

"Yeah!" Tawni added. "We don't need you here anymore!"

"Go back to where you came from, pretty boy!" Zora shouted as she pushed Chad out of the scene.

"Geez!" Chad muttered. "I help some 'biggest fan' of mine and this is what I get?" And then he finally exited stage left.

"Oh, my god! Poor man!" Agent Jerry said. "We must do something against these monsters, Agent Tom!"

"Worry not, Agent Jerry," Agent Tom replied. "I know just how to defeat them!" He brough out a black suitcase that suddenly appeared behind his back.

"What's in that?"

"The _Vampyris dollarensis_' greatest weakness, Agent Jerry, their greatest weakness! If vampires are blinded by sunlight, then _dollarensis_ is blinded by cold, hard cash! Watch this!" Agent Tom took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and then he walked into plain view of the _dollarensis_ pack. "You want cash?" he yelled at them. "I'll give you cash!" He opened the suitcase, revealing glowing money that he had carefully prepared inside. Sonny, Tawni, and Zora screamed in pain and tried to reach the money, but the light had effectively blinded them so they couldn't even try to get closer.

"What happens after they get blinded, Agent Tom?" Agent Jerry asked.

"They kill each other, my dear Agent Jerry!" Agent Tom replied. "Case closed!" He literally and figuratively closed the case and walked away. Meanwhile, Sonny, Tawni, and Zora began fighting and clawing each other, and Agent Jerry could only look at the camera before following Agent Tom out of the scene.

* * *

_You've seen them on the small screen. Now, see them on paper! _So Random Comics_ are now available in Condor Bookstore outlets nationwide, as well as selected newsstands and grocery stores. Featuring classics such as the Check It Out Girls—_

Singer: They're the best of friends with the worst of 'tudes; they're the Check It Out Girls, gonna check it out for you! Check it out!

(Sonny and Tawni pose)

_The Real Princesses of New Jersey!_

Sonny, Tawni, and Zora: We're the real princesses of New Jersey!

_Dolphin Boy!_

Singer: When he gets nervous, better bring your mop; it's not on purpose when he blows his top. He's Dolphin Boy!

Grady: Who the mammal?

_Mackenzie Stalls!_

Sonny: I thought we were destined to be together…

Grady: I'm not the only one with a secret shame…

Tawni: I can't hold it in anymore!

Grady: WHY!? FLY!

_And of course, the So Random Gags!_

Sonny: Wanna have some fun?

Tawni: Tell me where the Continental Army is!

Zora: He always falls for the apple trick!

Nico: Die, vampire!

Grady: That's for sleeping with my Honey-Cured!

Chad: Argh! I'm being cheated!

_With the usual combination of Sonny Munroe, Tawni Hart, Zora Lancaster, Nico Harris, Grady Mitchell, and Chad Dylan Cooper!_

(The So Random Gang's faces are shown on a freshly baked pizza)

_So Random Comics! Buy them now! (Not available in Canada until July 30)_

* * *

A/N: I did a lot of painstaking research to have those sketches included for the So Random Comics. Anyway, the _Vampyris_ sketch came from _Bubble Gang_, and the So Random Comics are my own work, with a little inspiration from _Pugad Baboy XI_. Read and review! - GR


	13. Sonny It Up

A/N: This particular sketch, which I'm planning on turning into a series, in which Sonny gives outrageous advice on how to cover up very obvious things, comes from _Banana Split_, which I don't own. Incidentally, I don't own _Sonny with a Chance_ too, because if I did, they would have already been guest stars in _Bubble Gang_ and _Banana Split_. Anyway, here's _Sonny It Up_, hosted by none other than Sonny Munroe!

* * *

Sonny: Welcome to my new sketch-show, _Sonny It Up!_ Today, I'll be talking about ways on how to hide the fact that you've been dancing in the rain. (Turns to the left) It's the start of the rainy season here in L.A., and I'm sure that there are a lot of people out there enjoying the rain: the old, the young, and the young at heart. Now, if you're one of those people who like to dance in the rain but won't admit it to your peers, here are five surefire tips to Sonny their minds up. (Sonny jumps off her chair, and then the scene changes into the street outside Condor Studios)

Sonny: Number five! (Brings a flash card with five in front of her face and then throws it away with a contemptuous look) Wear a sweatsuit and bring a towel so you can pretend that you jogged on that day.

(Grady and Tawni enter the scene)

Tawni: Hey, Grady!

Grady: Hey, Tawni.

Tawni: Did you just dance in the rain? You look wet!

Grady: No! Actually, I jogged! Take a look at my towel! You can literally squeeze my sweat out of it! (Proceeds to squeeze the towel)

Sonny: Do you get my point? (Jumps away and then returns to the same street, empty once again) Number four! (Brings a flash card with four in front of her face and then throws it away with a contemptuous look) Pretend to have wooed your love with a song, only to have yourself soaked in ice-cold water.

(Grady and Chad enter the scene)

Chad: Hey, Grady.

Grady: Hey, Chad.

Chad: You look wet today. Have you been dancing in the rain?

Grady: Oh, no! It's just that I fell in love with this beautiful Filipina, and I read on the Internet that I should do a _harana_ on her so she would accept my love. (A/N: _Harana_ means that a boy lover would go to the girl's house with his friends and sing her love songs with his guitar)

Chad: Okay. Why did you get wet?

Grady: She threw a bucket of cold water at me! I don't know if that means she loves me too or she hates me!

Sonny: See what I mean? (Jumps away and then returns to the street, empty once again) Number three! (Brings up a number three flash card to her face and then throws it away with a contemptuous look) Bring a hamper full of clothes with you and say that you just did your laundry.

(Grady and Zora enter the scene)

Zora: Hey, Grady!

Grady: Hey, Zora.

Zora: Have you been dancing in the rain? You look wet!

Grady: No! I just washed my clothes, including the ones I'm wearing. I can still feel the world spinning in the dryer, going round and round and round… (Circles his head as Zora looks at the camera)

Sonny: Wow! It's a miracle that you didn't throw up inside the dryer, or else you would have to wash your clothes again! (Jumps away and then returns to the empty street) Number two! (Brings up a number two flash card to her face and then throws it away with a contemptuous look) Pretend to be a protester and bring a picket sign for added authenticity.

(Grady and Nico enter the scene)

Nico: Hey, Grady!

Grady: Hey, Nico.

Nico: Why are you all wet, man? Have you been dancing around in the rain?

Grady: No! I was just with those protesters against the US troop surge to South Sudan. We got attacked by water cannons, fire hoses, and dang tear gas! You can still see the tears flowing on my cheeks, right? I feel like I'm cutting a thousand onions at the same time!

Sonny: Maybe you should have just taken your girlfriend with you and make love in the middle of the riots. (Jumps away and then returns to the empty street) Number one! (Brings up a number one flash card to her face and then throws it away with a contemptuous look) And last but not the least, act as if you've just visited a dear old friend, a very chatty old friend. (Waits as Grady enters the scene) Hey, Grady!

Grady: Hey, Sonny.

Sonny: What happened to you? You look all wet! Have you been dancing in the rain?

Grady: No way! What am I, a child? I just paid a visit to old Sammy Sprinkler. Let me tell you, it was raining cats and dogs where we were.

Sonny: What did I tell you? Simple, yet effective. (Jumps away, and then sits back down on her chair in the studio) I sincerely hope that the tips I've offered you are of great help in hiding the fact that you still like to dance in the rain. If it doesn't Sonny up your friends or relatives' minds, it would at least keep them thinking for a while, giving you a quiet life for the time being. Anyway, I'm Sonny Munroe, and this is Sonny It Up! (A cardboard with the Sonny It Up logo covers Sonny's face, and then she screams and pushes it away, smiling at the camera) (A/N: Think of the Shake It Up logo, but change Shake into Sonny)

Sonny: See you next time!

* * *

(Sing to the tune of the Shake It Up chorus)

_Their suspicions/Make me nervous!  
My friends' minds/Sonny it up! Sonny it up!  
Give me some tips/I see it on your lips!  
Please, Sonny Munroe/ Sonny them up! Sonny them up!_

_(Interlude)_

_Sonny It Up!_

* * *

A/N: This is not a true parody; I just wish that it was. As a recent Weird Al convert, I still marvel at his ability to make a parody with a coherent story. But I hope that you enjoy it, especially when you think of both Selena and Weird Al singing it together. I know I do. Read and review! - GR


	14. Gambling Gags

A/N: Good thing I have a light workload for today, or else I don't think I'll be able to type this up. These gags appeared in _Bubble Gang_ two weeks ago, but I was only able to encode them today because of time constraints and time commitments. Anyway, here are the _Gambling Gags_! No more prologue stuff for these gags for the time being, as I have writer's block with those things…

* * *

"**Mayor"**  
(Zora enters the gambling hall followed by Nico and Chad, her Secret Service bodyguards. She walks over to Sonny, Tawni, and Grady's table and tips it over)

Zora: As the lawfully elected mayor of this city, I hereby shut down this gambling hall!

Nico: (Whispers to Zora) Uh, mayor, this is your gambling hall.

Zora: What? Oops. My mistake. Please continue your gambling, people; there's been a minor mistake here. Hey, you. (Points to Chad) Put a thousand dollars on Horse #5 for me…

* * *

"**Cheater"**  
(Grady, Nico, and Chad are playing cards when Chad suddenly tips the table over)

Grady: What the eff, man?

Chad: I've got a feeling someone's cheating me!

(Sonny stands up from the opposite table)

Sonny: Why did you just tip your table over?

Chad: Didn't you hear me earlier? Someone's cheating me!

Sonny: (To Nico and Grady) Are you cheating him?

Nico: No way! My buddy and I are actually losing!

Sonny: Wait. If someone says that you're cheating when you're actually losing, then that means that you're not actually cheating! And whoever accused you of cheating must be winning, and therefore must be the cheater! (Points at Chad) You're the real cheater!

(Chad looks imploringly at the camera)

* * *

"**Cards"**  
(Sonny, Tawni, and Nico are playing cards when Sonny suddenly tips the table over)

Tawni: What in the world?

Nico: Why the hell would you do that?

Sonny: Admit it! You're looking at my cards!

Nico: Ha! So close! I wasn't looking at your cards; I was actually looking at your chest!

Sonny: What? You know, I could have forgiven you if you were just looking at my cards, but you've crossed the line, man! No one but my boyfriend can look at—these!

Nico: And I thought you had those just for poker night!

(Sonny looks at the camera)

* * *

"**Wrong"**  
(Sonny, Chad, and Grady are playing cards when Grady suddenly tips the table over)

Chad: What the heck was that for, man?

Grady: I don't like my cards, man! They just feel wrong for me! (Throws his cards away)

Sonny: Hey! Look at Chad and I! We're obviously wrong for each other, but you don't see us tipping tables over because of that!

(Grady looks at the camera)

* * *

"**Pickpocket"**  
(Chad, Zora, and Nico are playing cards when Grady suddenly tips the table over)

Nico: Hey! Watch it!

Chad: I don't want to play anymore! I'd barely sat down on this chair, when I lost all my money!

Zora: What are you talking about? We haven't even started yet!

Chad: Exactly! Those darn pickpockets took my wallet! If I ever see those pickpockets again, they won't live to see tomorrow!

(Zora and Nico look at the camera)

* * *

"**Wake"**  
(Sonny, Tawni, and Zora are playing cards when Nico enters and tips their table over)

Sonny: Hey!

Nico: You're a disgrace to society, all of you! This kind of behavior would still be acceptable in a wake, but not here!

Zora: Oh, don't worry, man. There will be a wake. Yours! (Brings out a pocketknife and points it at Nico)

(Sonny, Tawni, Grady, and Chad bring out more knives, guns, and a shotgun and point them all at Nico, too, who stares queerly at the camera)

* * *

"**Kiss"**  
(Sonny, Grady, and Chad are playing cards when Nico enters and tips their table over)

Chad: What the-?

Nico: You miserable wench! You're a woman, and yet you gamble with boys!

Sonny: Well, I admit that's true, but we're not gambling money here.

Nico: So if you don't gamble money, what _do_ you gamble?

Sonny: The loser gets kissed on the neck! (Lowers her scarf, revealing two or three kiss marks) You can see that I've got only a few kisses yet.

(Nico scratches his head as he looks at the camera)

* * *

"**Bosses"**  
(Nico, Grady, and Chad are playing cards when Tawni enters and tips their table over)

Chad: What was that for?

Tawni: Liar! You told me on the phone that you would be late because you were going to be with your bosses. Well, who are these people?

Chad: My bosses.

(Nico and Grady glare and Tawni, who smiles sheepishly at the camera)

* * *

"**Why Ours?"**  
(Nico, Grady, and Chad are playing cards when Grady suddenly stands up, walks over to Sonny, Tawni, and Zora's table and tips it over)

Zora: What the hell, man?

Tawni: Why did you tip our table over? You're not playing with us!

Sonny: Yeah! Go tip your own table!

Grady: You know, if I do that, they won't allow me to play with them anymore!

(Sonny, Tawni, and Zora look quizzically at Grady then at the camera)

* * *

"**Bet"**  
(Nico, Grady, and Chad are playing cards when Tawni enters and suddenly tips the table over)

Grady: What in the—Tawni?

Tawni: Get back home now, mister!

Grady: Why should I do that?

Tawni: If you don't, I'm going to lose the bet I made that I can get you to go home on the first try.

Grady: So?

Tawni: So, if you don't go home right now, you're going to lose your life savings because that was what I bet to my girlfriends. All $20,000 of your savings!

Grady: Oh, snap! (Runs for the door)

Tawni: (Faces the camera) Works every time! (Smiles and winks)

* * *

"**Magician"**  
(Chad, Tawni, and Grady are playing cards when Grady suddenly tips the table over)

Grady: Argh! I've had enough of this card game! I quit!

Tawni: Hey! Clean up your mess before you leave! What are we, your chambermaids?

Grady: All right. (Pulls out a magic wand, waves it around, and then the table stands up and the cards fall into a neat deck on top) Thank you. I will leave now.

(Chad and Tawni stare mystified at the camera)

* * *

"**Bar"**  
(Chad, Nico, and Zora are playing cards when Grady enters)

Grady: Oh, my lord! Everybody get out of my house! Get out! Out! (Tips Chad, Nico, and Zora's table over)

Chad: (After the guests have left) Why did you just do that, Dad?

Grady: I can't believe that you have the audacity to turn our house into a gambling hall!

Chad: It was just for tonight, I swear!

Grady: No, it's not that, son. I wasn't thinking of a gambling hall when I built this place.

Chad: What _were _you thinking of?

Grady: A bar, my son! A bar! Bring the girls in!

(Another door opens, and Sonny, Tawni, and a few other female extras enter the house dancing to "Party Rock Anthem")

Grady: You see that I hired LMFAO to perform the opening act of our bar's grand opening, too!

LMFAO: _Party rock is in the house tonight…_

(Chad shrugs and raises his hands at the camera)

* * *

"**Go Home"**  
(Zora, Grady, and Sonny are playing cards when Tawni enters and tips their table over)

Sonny: Why would you—what in the world?

Tawni: Hey, you! Go home!

(Grady lowers his head and goes out reluctantly)

Zora: Why did you tell him to go home?

Tawni: There's a gambling hall in our house!

(Sonny and Zora turn towards the camera)

* * *

"**Gamble"**  
(Tawni, Nico, and Chad are playing cards when Chad suddenly tips the table over)

Chad: Argh! I'm being cheated!

Tawni: What are you talking about? You're actually winning!

Chad: Exactly! I don't even know how to gamble! I'm new at this!

(Tawni looks at the camera)

* * *

"**Shorts"**  
(Nico, Grady, and Chad are playing cards when Nico suddenly tips the table over)

Chad: What the heck was that for?

Nico: We're being cheated here!

Chad: What are you talking about?

Nico: Look at this. When there was still a table, you would think that Grady over here is wearing shorts, but in reality, he's not! (Points at Grady's boxer shorts)

Nico: We're being cheated here!

Chad: What are you talking about?

Nico: Look at this. When there was still a table, you would think that Grady over here is wearing shorts, but in reality, he's not! (Points at Grady's boxer shorts)

* * *

"**Believe It"**  
(Sonny, Tawni, and Zora are playing cards when Zora suddenly tips the table over)

Zora: Admit it! You're cheating me!

Sonny: No! That's not true!

Tawni: No way we would do that to you!

Zora: Admit it! Or else our game won't continue!

Sonny: All right, fine. We're cheating. Let's just forget about that and continue playing.

Zora: Ha! You expect me to believe that? You're not cheating me! No way!

(Sonny and Tawni look quizzically at the camera)

* * *

"**Mahjong"**  
(Grady, Nico, Sonny, and Tawni are playing mahjong when Grady suddenly stands up)

Grady: Argh! I hate this game! (Tries to tip the table over, but it's too heavy for him alone)

Grady: Argh! Let's just continue playing! (Sits back down)

* * *

"**Home"**  
(Sonny, Tawni, and Grady are playing cards when Nico, wearing an LAPD uniform, enters and tips their table over)

Nico: This is the police! Get out of this gambling hall now and return to your homes!

Sonny: No way! We won't get out of this gambling hall!

Nico: And why is that?

Sonny: I live here, along with my cousins! Right, cuz?

Tawni and Grady: Yeah!

Chad: You know, guys, why don't we just go quietly for now, and then see each other tomorrow on…

All: So Random! Yeah! (Sonny, Tawni, Zora, Chad, and Grady file out of the stage as Nico escorts them out)

* * *

_Once again, So Random dares to ask the questions you want, but can't, or won't!_

Sonny: Why is it that your boyfriend invites you to watch a movie, but when you get to the cinema, you do nothing but kiss and snuggle and ignore the movie altogether? Why?

Nico: Why is it that before the Finals, you said that Miami would be champions, yet after Game 6; you said that you knew that Dallas would win all along? Why?

Grady: Why is it that women like to wear short shorts, but they keep pulling the hemline to make it longer? Why?

* * *

A/N: Well, that's it for me today! Hope to see some witty answers again! Also, read and review! - GR


	15. The Assassin

A/N: Hi there, I'm back to writing sketches again. This one came from _Bubble Gang_ a long time ago, probably even before there was a _Sonny with a Chance_. Anyway, I'm not going to talk about that because I am here to write a sketch, not a little personal history. Here's _The Assassin_!

* * *

(Spoken)_  
It doesn't matter where you live or where you hide  
Better watch your back, 'cause I'll find you  
Pray that I won't pull the trigger when I see you  
I'm the Assassin!_

(A James Bond gun sequence plays, but with Sonny in place of Bond. Sonny turns around and aims a gun at the barrel, and then she (!) gets shot)

Sonny: Hey, I don't remember this in the films!

(_The Assassin_ title card plays)

* * *

(Sonny walks onto a rooftop, opens a suitcase, and then assembles a sniper rifle from the hidden parts)

Sonny: I'm at the location.

Tawni: (Through an earpiece) Good. Now, scan the site.

Sonny: Roger that. Scanning now. (Traverses her sniper rifle)

Tawni: Do you see the young woman by the coffee shop?

(Sonny looks at Zora through the scope)

Sonny: I see her. (Shoots Zora)

Tawni: That's our mole into the enemy company.

(Sonny looks up in surprise)

Tawni: Anyway, can you see a fat blonde man in you location?

(Sonny looks at Grady through the scope)

Sonny: I got him. (Shoots Grady)

Tawni: That's our contact with the mole.

(Sonny looks up in surprise again)

Tawni: Okay, now there should be a police car somewhere near our mole.

(Sonny looks at Nico and Chad in the police car through the scope)

Sonny: Copy that. (Shoots Nico and Chad)

Tawni: Those are our cops.

(Sonny looks up in surprise once again)

Tawni: I paid a hefty sum of money to get those two cops to work for us. Anyway, the meet should be going on now, and—wait! What in the world? Our mole is dead! So is her contact and our cops! Quick! Look for a woman with binoculars looking at you!

(Sonny looks around with her rifle and then shoots)

Tawni: OUCH! Why did you just shoot me?

(Sonny looks up in surprise once more)

Tawni: Why in the world did you just shoot me?

(Sonny looks through the scope and then fires five more times before she disassembles her gun, packs it up, and then leaves the rooftop)

Tawni: I'm not going to give you the money awarded in the contract, you got that?

(Sonny looks surprised at the camera)

* * *

(At the Check It Out Girls set)

Tawni: Check it out! I just got my new iPad 2!

Sonny: Check it out! Let's surf the Web using the store Wi-Fi!

Tawni: Check it out! So Random has just released its own website!

_You heard them right, guys; _So Random _has released its own website! Along with the usual cast profiles, sketch synopses, and episode archives, we will now have new webisodes, basically continuing the _So Random_ sagas. Visit us now or never laugh again! You can also approve us on Bookface and trail us on Chirper._

* * *

A/N: And that's it for me today! I know, the _Assassin_ sketch was kinda short, but that was really all that happened in the real sketch. Also, this So Random website was my own idea, and the real one is probably owned by Disney. You probably already know what I'm parodying with Bookface and Chirper, so not hints. Here are their sites to confuse your poor little heads a little more.

Bookface – The Official So Random

Chirper – OneandOnlySoRandom

Read and review! - GR


	16. Chad's Commercials

A/N: Wow! It seems like I'm on a roll now! I just posted a new chapter, and now, here's another one! Woot! Anyway, these are not really sketches, but some of Chad Dylan Cooper's commercials (fictional, obviously), and I felt that they absolutely had to be shared to the world, and that the So Random is also in them with him. These are based on some real commercials that we have here in the Philippines, but there's one that came from my slightly used mind. And now, here are _Chad's Commercials_!

* * *

"**If This Card Were a Man"**  
Narrator: If this credit card were a man, he would surely be Chad Dylan Cooper.

(Credit card becomes Chad, who begins to strut around the screen)

Narrator: Famous.

(Chad high-fives with adoring fans, chief of them Nico and Grady)

Narrator: Well-known.

(Chad struts down the red carpet, waving at the press and paparazzi)

Narrator: Stylish.

(Chad flashes the horn sign as he rides a motorcycle with Lady Gaga) (A/N: A probable reference to _Judas_)

Narrator: Adored by all.

(Chad unbuttons his shirt in front of female fans, among them Sonny, Tawni, and Zora)

Narrator: Unfortunately, he's not a man. He's a card.

(Chad puts his shirt back on, and then he becomes a credit card again)

Narrator: The IBBC Savings Card can now be used in malls, restaurants, and other IBBC-sponsored shops and banks. The International Bank of Business and Credit: We fund criminal with your money.

Chad: Hey, Chad Dylan Cooper here! Just wanted to give a hoot to the International—ah! (Sounds of suppressed gunfire could be heard, and then a "Please Stand By" screen plays)

* * *

"**One Thousand"**  
(Chad, Nico, Sonny, and Zora are walking down a dark alley when Grady and Tawni in gangster garb pop out of their hiding places and block Chad's path)

Grady: Give me one thousand, Cooper!

(Chad sighs, removes his leather jacket, hands it to Nico, shows off his arm muscles, drops to the ground and begins to do pushups)

Nico, Sonny, and Zora: One! Two! Three!

Narrator: The Well Stacked Pizza Company now presents the pizza connoisseur's dream: the Ultimate Cheese and Meat Pizza! Made with seven different cheeses and five types of meat, it's sure to pack a whopping protein punch and block some loose bowels!

Nico: Nine ninety-nine! One thousand! One thousand one! One thousand two! One thousand three!

Zora: Hey! We've got change!

Narrator: The Ultimate Cheese and Meat Pizza is now available in every branch of the Well Stacked Pizza Company in the United States.

Chad: Hey, Chad Dylan Cooper here! Just wanted to say that the Ultimate Cheese and Meat Pizza is available in Regular, Large, and Deep Dishes.

* * *

"**CDC"**  
(The phone rings)

Chad: CDC, what up, dee?

Caller: Hello, is this the Center for Disease Control? I'm here to report an outbreak…

Chad: Oh, I'm so sorry; Chad Dylan Cooper doesn't deal with outbreaks. (Ends the call)

(The phone rings again)

Chad: CDCoop, what up, doop?

Caller: Help! There's a rage virus outbreak in our town! Send help immediately!

Chad: What in the world? How many times do I have to tell you that I'm Chad Dylan Cooper, not the Center for Disease Control? (Ends the call)

Narrator: Don't let this happen to you. Get your phone numbers right. Buy Yellow Page Phonebooks, and keep yourself up to date on the latest phone numbers. Or else this could also happen.

Nico: Center for Disease Control; how may I help you?

Caller: What? The Center for Disease Control? I thought this was Chad Dylan Cooper's number!

Narrator: Yellow Page Phonebooks are now available at $2.99 (CAN$5.99) per copy.

Chad: Hey, Chad Dylan Cooper here. Yellow Page Phonebooks are now releasing five hundred copies autographed by yours truly. Grab one now; it's on a first come, first serve basis.

* * *

A/N: And that's it for me! More sketches on the way later! Read and review! - GR


	17. Library Hostage Crisis

A/N: Well, after a small amount of time in which it can be said that I was in hiatus, I'm finally back. Schoolwork has caught up with me, and I was unable to publish new work. But now, as the week closes, I think I have enough time for some new sketches for So Random! For this sketch, I'll begin with some library gags before going to the main event of _The Library Hostage Crisis_! Enjoy!

* * *

"**Get Out!"  
**(Tawni catches Nico and Sonny kissing behind the bookshelves)

Tawni: Hey, this is a library! If you two want to kiss each other, go outside!

Nico: All right, ma'am. Hey, guys, you heard the librarian. Let's to this outside! (Takes Sonny away and a couple of extra couples follow them out of the library as Tawni shakes her head at the camera)

* * *

"**Earphones"  
**Zora (the librarian): (Stands up) Who's singing in my library? (Goes around the library) I said, who's singing? (Goes around the library again) If I find out who's singing in my library, they'll be in for a world of pain!

Sonny: (Stands up bravely) Nobody's singing, ma'am. It's just your music player! You're wearing your earphones, you know. (Removes Zora's earphones)

(Zora looks at the camera, then at the earphones, then back at the camera)

* * *

"**Librarian"  
**(Grady and Tawni pass each other in the library then both do a double take)

Grady: Hello.

Tawni: Hi.

(Grady and Tawni drop their books and begin to kiss)

Grady: Wait! Maybe we should do this outside. The librarian might catch us kissing.

Tawni: Oh, don't worry about that.

Grady: Why?

Tawni: I'm the librarian.

(Grady winks at the camera and then he and Tawni kiss each other again)

* * *

"**Library Hostage Crisis"  
**(Sonny, Chad, Grady, Nico, and Tawni are in the library while Zora, the librarian, watches over them)

(Sonny giggles as Chad caresses her neck)

Zora: Shh!

(Sonny and Chad sigh and leave)

(Nico and Grady say goodbye to Tawni, who continues to write something on a piece of paper)

Zora: Shh!

(Nico reenters the scene, now wearing a balaclava and a leather jacket, and then points a gun at Tawni)

Nico: Aha! I have you now!

Zora: Shh!

Nico: (Whispering) Sorry. (To Tawni) You're my hostage now.

Tawni: But why me?

Zora: Shh!

Tawni: (Whispering) Sorry. (To Nico) Why take me as a hostage? Why not one of those other school heiresses?

Nico: Your father did something bad to my father, and now I'm going to avenge him by doing something bad to you! And until your father gives me the ten million dollars my family deserves, I won't let you go!

(Sonny and Grady reenter the scene, now wearing LAPD uniforms)

Grady: (Through a megaphone) This is the police!

Zora: Shh!

Grady: (Whispering) Sorry. (Throws away the megaphone and turns to Nico) We have you surrounded. Let the girl go.

Nico: No! Not until I have my ten million dollars!

(Chad reenters the scene, now wearing glasses and a fishing jacket)

Tawni: Dad!

Chad: Tawni! Why?

Zora: Shh!

Chad: (Whispering) Sorry. (To Nico) Let her go, Nico. This fight is between me and your father, not you and Tawni.

Nico: I'm sorry, Uncle Chad, but I'm already committed. I must have my ten million dollars!

Zora: Shh!

Sonny: This is turning into a standoff really quick, partner.

Grady: I know, partner. Get ready to shoot. (Brings out a Heckler & Koch MP5 submachine gun, while Sonny brings out a Beretta M9 pistol)

Zora: Shh!

Grady: Sorry. Got a silencer?

Sonny: Yeah.

Grady: Good. I think we'll need them. (He and Sonny attach silencers on their weapons)

Nico: You'll never take me alive!

Zora: Shh!

Grady: Ready, partner?

Sonny: You bet! Get back, sir. (Pushes Chad out of their way)

(The lights suddenly short out, and then suppressed gunfire could be heard)

Sonny: Did you get him?

Grady: I think so!

Nico: No, you didn't!

Zora: Shh!

(More suppressed gunfire could be heard, and then the lights flicker back on, revealing a gravely wounded Zora)

Zora: Help me! I've been shot! Someone take me to the hospital!

All: Shh!

(Zora looks painfully at the camera)

* * *

A/N: That's all for me now! Hope to see some reviews! - GR


	18. Marry Me Gags

A/N: I've only got a little time to write these gags up, so I hope I don't make any mistakes. Anyway, I present to you the _Marry Me Gags_! Read and review if you like it!

* * *

_We've all seen this scene before. There's a candlelit table, two plates of half-eaten food and two glasses half-full with wine, and a man and a woman on a date. We all know what happens next: the man takes something out of his shirt pocket, moves it across the table to the woman, and then pops the big question: "Will you marry me?" At the same time, he reveals a ring from the box that he gave to the woman. Thrilled, the woman says, "Yes!" and can't say any other word for the next thirty seconds to minutes_

_Of course, this is the textbook ending to such a scene, but we at _So Random_ don't like textbooks. We prefer to experiment, and our results usually end up making people laugh. Now, the _So Random _gang presents the _Marry Me Gags!

* * *

"**Pay For That"  
**Chad: Sonny, will you marry me? (Pulls out a ring from his shirt)

Sonny: Oh, but Chad, I'm not sure if I'm ready yet!

Chad: What are you talking about? I've given you everything that a woman your age could ask for!

Sonny: I'm really not sure that we should do this right now.

Chad: Okay. (Puts the ring away) You pay for your meal; I'll pay for mine.

* * *

"**Diamond"  
**Nico: Tawni, will you marry me? (Pulls out a ring from his shirt)

Tawni: Oh, Nico, it's so beautiful! But I don't think I'm ready yet.

Nico: You don't think you're ready for marriage?

Tawni: No, I don't think I'm ready to believe that this is a real diamond! (Takes the ring and then looks at it through a jeweler's eyepiece) Hmm, this one looks like it's worth $50,000, and I've only seen this cut on Congolese diamonds, which makes it a conflict diamond, and I don't deal with that…

(Nico looks queerly at the camera)

* * *

"**House and Lot"  
**Grady: Zora, will you marry me? (Pulls out a ring from his shirt)

Zora: Oh! But I don't want a ring, Grady.

Grady: What _do _you want?

Zora: I want… a house and lot!

(Grady turns towards the camera in surprise)

* * *

"**Sell"  
**Chad: Sonny, will you marry me? (Pulls out a ring from his shirt)

Sonny: Oh, Chad, you shouldn't have! Really, you shouldn't. I'm not yet ready to marry you yet.

Chad: Well, if that's the case, then… (Puts the ring away)

Sonny: Wait! Can't I keep the ring?

Chad: What? You just told me you're not ready to marry me yet.

Sonny: No, silly! I'm not gonna marry you. I'm going to sell or pawn this ring to "balance my books," so to speak.

(Chad shrugs at the camera)

* * *

"**Blind"  
**Nico: Tawni, will you marry me? (Pulls out a ring from his shirt)

Zora: I think you're going blind, mister.

Nico: Huh? What are you talking about?

Zora: You're at the wrong table! That girl looks like your real date! (Points at Tawni, who raises a fist in Nico's direction, who looks cross-eyed at the camera)

* * *

"**Ring"  
**Grady: Tawni, will you marry me? (Pulls out a ring from his shirt)

Tawni: Oh, Grady, you shouldn't have! Really, you shouldn't.

Grady: Huh? Whatcha talking about?

Tawni: I want a ring with a bigger stone! If you don't give me a ring with a bigger stone, then I'm not gonna marry you!

(Grady looks quizzically at the camera)

* * *

"**True Love"  
**Chad: Sonny, will you marry me? (Pulls out a ring from his shirt)

Sonny: Oh, but Chad, I don't think I'm sure.

Chad: Sure of what?

Sonny: Sure if you're my true love!

(Chad suddenly turns to the camera)

* * *

"**Pregnant"  
**Nico: Tawni, will you marry me? (Pulls out a ring from his shirt)

Tawni: Yes, Nico! Yes, I will! Finally! It took you long enough to decide to give our child a father! Don't you know? I'm pregnant!

(Nico's joy turns to horror as he turns to the camera)

* * *

"**Not Ready"  
**Grady: Zora, will you marry me? (Pulls out a ring from his shirt)

Zora: Oh, but Grady, I don't think I'm ready—

Grady: Okay. Hey, you guys, you heard her! She says she's not ready!

All: Yeah!

* * *

"**Conservative"  
**Chad: Sonny, will you marry me? (Pulls out a ring from his shirt)

Sonny: Oh, Chad, yes, I will! But I should warn you that my parents are conservatives.

Chad: So what? They're not the ones getting married, are they?

Sonny: No, it's just that I don't think they'll let me marry more than one man!

(Chad blinks furiously as he turns to the camera in surprise)

* * *

"**Backup"  
**Nico: Tawni, will you marry me? (Pulls out a ring from his shirt)

Tawni: I'm sorry, Nico, but no.

Nico: Okay, then. (Moves to another table) Esther, will you marry me? (Shows her the ring)

Esther (a So Random extra): Yes! Yes, Nico, I'll marry you!

Nico: Yay! Good thing I had a backup girlfriend!

(Tawni shakes her head as she turns to the camera)

* * *

"**Thief"  
**Grady: Zora, will you marry me? (Pulls out a ring from his shirt)

Zora: (Gasps) Yes, Grady, I will! (Takes the ring) Wait a minute. This ring looks exactly like my sorority ring, the ring that I lost in college. Wait another minute! You're the thief who took my ring all those years ago! Oh, you're in for a world of hurt!

(Grady moans as he turns to the camera)

* * *

"**Practice"  
**Chad: Sonny, will you marry me? (Pulls out a ring)

Sonny: Oh, but Chad, I don't think we should do that yet.

Chad: Oh, don't worry, Sonny, it's just a practice. Now come on! This food won't eat itself! (Attacks the food on his plate with gusto)

(Sonny looks at the camera with a raised eyebrow)

* * *

"**Unreal"  
**Nico: Tawni, will you marry me? (Pulls out a ring from his shirt)

Tawni: (Takes the ring and examines it closely) Wait! This isn't a real ring!

Nico: Oh, don't worry, girl, my love for you isn't real, too!

(Tawni looks quizzically at the camera)

* * *

"**Waste"  
**Grady: Zora, will you marry me? (Pulls out a ring from his shirt)

Zora: Oh, but Grady, I don't think we should get married yet.

Grady: What? Well, at least, I tried. Still, what a waste. I blew $200 for this ring, and then I bought all those beachfront properties in Acapulco, Honolulu, Boracay, and Malaga.

Zora: Is that the case? Then maybe we should get married!

Nico: (Enters the scene) Hey, man, I think I wanna marry you too if you had all those things! But seriously, guys, our time is up for now. Let's just see each other next time on…

All: So Random! Woot!

* * *

_Once again, _So Random _dares to ask the questions you want to, but can't!_

Chad: Why is it that when you're boiling mad, you tell people you're fine, but when there's nothing to complain about, you keep ranting and raving? Why?

Tawni: Why is it that when you're young, you can't wait to get old, but when you're old, you wish you were young again? Why?

Zora: Why is it that even though your teacher told you to ask questions if you didn't understand the lesson, you don't ask questions even though you have no idea what your teacher's talking about, as if you didn't understand the order he or she gave you? And did you even understand a single thing that I said?

* * *

_August 22, 1951 is the day that changed the world forever, when Condor Studios released _So Random! _Now, revisit every laugh doled out by the _So Random _gang from the original trio of Neville Whitley, Daniel Rivera, and Abraham Nouriani in the 1950s to our current cast of Tawni Hart, Zora Lancaster, Sonny Munroe, Nico Harris, Grady Mitchell, and Chad Dylan Cooper with _The All-Time Funniest of So Random_! Each disk contains a compilation of _So Random_'s best for every decade it __was on air. From its humble beginnings in stand-up slapstick to its dominance over tween sketch comedies, follow _So Random_'s odyssey through America's highest and lowest points, and find out what makes it one of the best of its genre. Now available in Video Spot for $9.99 each, or buy the complete set for only $49.99._

_Limited time offer: Buy a complete set of _The All-Time Funniest of So Random_ and get a copy of _So Random Comics 2 _free!_

* * *

A/N: Yah, that's all for me right now. Hope to see you soon! And read and review! - GR


	19. Levee Gags

A/N: Sorry for the erratic updating; I have a ton of things to do at school and simply can't focus on my fanfiction. But, here are the _Levee Gags_! Hope you enjoy them!

* * *

Note: The infamous day of September 11 is coming, and I intend to write a tribute to both the victims and the brave men and women who tried to save as many as they could before the towers fell. My next update will be more somber that the others.

* * *

_A hurricane is passing through your town. The National Guard is calling for a general evacuation as the levees deisgned to protect you are failing. There's a lot that you still need to do, but there's not enough time. What could possibly happen? The _Levee Gags_ will give you some answers to that big question._

* * *

"**Roof"  
**Nico: The water is about to breach the levee! Please leave your homes now!

Grady: No way! I've stayed in this house for all of my life, and I'm going to stay here!

Nico: Please, sir! We need to get you to a higher place!

Grady: Fine! I'll go to a higher place!

Nico: So, are you going to come with us?

Grady: No, fool! I'm going up to my roof!

(Nico suddenly turns to the camera)

* * *

"**Demolish"  
**Sonny: The water is about to breach the levee! Everybody move out of your homes now!

Tawni: Wait! The water is far from breaching the levee! Why did you just tell them it was?

Sonny: It's just an excuse to get these squatters out of this building! Come on! Let's demolish this place before they realize they got punk'd! (Brings out a sledgehammer and begins smashing into the wall as Tawni looks towards the camera)

* * *

"**Husband"  
**Chad: The water is about to breach the levee! Everybody leave their houses! Come on! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

Sonny: Wait! Blackie? Blackie!

Chad: Ma'am, we don't have any more time to look for your dog!

Sonny: What are you talking about? Blackie's not my dog; he's my husband!

Nico (as Blackie): I'm here, my love!

(Chad looks at the camera)

* * *

"**Watch the House"  
**Tawni: Everybody leave their houses! The water is about to breach the levee!

Sonny: Wait! I'm still looking for my husband! Grady? Grady!

Grady: I'm here, Sonny!

Sonny: Oh, Grady! (Hugs Grady) Watch the house for me, will you? (Runs away)

Grady: Sonny! WHY?

Tawni: Uh, sir, your zipper is down.

Grady: FLY! (A/N: Can't help but reference Mackenzie Stalls here)

* * *

"**Borrowed"  
**Zora: Everybody leave their houses! The water is about to breach the levee!

Tawni: Hey, Sonny! Why aren't you taking your things with you?

Sonny: Don't you remember? I—

* * *

_We're no strangers to love  
__You know the rules, and so do I  
__A full commitment's what I'm thinking of  
__You wouldn't get this from any other guy  
__I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling  
__Gotta make you understand_

_Never gonna give you up  
__Never gonna let you down  
__Never gonna run around and desert you  
__Never gonna make you cry  
__Never gonna say goodbye  
__Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you_

So Random cast: You have been rickrolled!  
_Narrator: And now, back to regular programming._

* * *

"**Borrowed"  
**Zora: Everybody leave their houses! The water is about to breach the levee!

Tawni: Hey, Sonny! Why aren't you taking your things with you?

Sonny: Don't you remember? I don't have any things of my own! Mwahahahaha!

* * *

"**Rent"  
**Grady: Everybody leave their houses! The water is about to breach the levee!

Sonny: Come on, Zora; let's go before Irene gets here!

Zora: Who's Irene? Is that the name of the hurricane?

Sonny: No, it's the name of our landlord! Let's go before she realizes I haven't paid our rent yet!

Tawni: (as Irene) Aha! Caught in the act! Now, where's my rent?

* * *

"**Bath"  
**Chad: Everybody leave their houses! The water is about to breach the levee!

Nico: No way, white boy! We're gonna stay here!

Chad: What? Why?

Nico: We're going to take a bath, stupid! This town hasn't had any running water for the past month now! Cannonball, guys! (Nico and the other Randoms jump into the water while Chad avoids the spray and covers his nose.

* * *

"**Shark"  
**Zora: Everybody leave their houses! The water is about to breach the levee!

Sonny: No way! We're going to stay in our town even if it gets flooded!

Other Randoms: Yeah!

Sonny: It's the only thing we have left. Right, guys?

Other Randoms: Yeah!

Zora: Okay. (on the megaphone) There's a shark in the water!

Other Randoms: What? Aah! (They drop their things and begin running around aimlessly)

Nico: Save yourselves!

Grady: Abandon ship!

Sonny: What the-?

Grady: Just run!

* * *

"**Things"  
**Tawni: Everybody leave their houses! The water is about to breach the levee!

Sonny: Hey, you! (points at Chad) My good-for-nothing husband! Have you brought our things up to the roof?

Chad: You know as well as I do that I didn't.

Sonny: I knew it. Why not?

Chad: Don't you remember? We have no things to bring up! And don't count the Lazy Boy, that's mine and not ours! Finally, my good-for-nothingness has finally paid off! _Chad, Chad, Chaddy-Chad-Chad_…

Zora: Hey, Chad, it's not Dakota's birthday today! Don't sing that song yet!

Chad: I knew that, Zora! And I also know that we'll be seeing you next week here on…

All: So Random! All right!

* * *

_Never gonna give you up  
__Never gonna let you down  
__Never gonna run around and desert you  
__Never gonna make you cry  
__Never gonna say goodbye  
__Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you_

* * *

_Take a sneak peek of Chad Dylan Cooper's latest project on , and vote if you want him to continue the project or not! Also, a lucky voter from the winning side will get to appear in both _So Random_ and _Mackenzie Falls_! We're never done this before, and we don't plan to do it again in the foreseeable future! So go ahead, click that blue hyperlink, and vote now!_

* * *

_NEW! _So Random _Glendovia is premiering today! Featuring Glendovia's best of Petro Barjanic, Senko Jebovic, Tanja Britanova, and Alliluja Taric, they're bringing our brand of laughter to new frontiers, with a little local flavor too!_

* * *

A/N: Please forgive the rickrolling. It's very hard to resist the temptation.


	20. A September 11 Tribute

_The _So Random _gang finally tells us about their experiences during September 11, 2001, the day that changed the world, and what they feel ten years later._

* * *

I remember being out in the field, tending to our cattle when my mom came running out of our house and said that something really, really bad had happened. My brother and I, being in the curiosity stage of growing up, naturally went inside to watch the news, which we've never had the patience to do before. The sight of those towers burning would forever be in my mind, and I would never forget the moment when they fell. At that time, I said to myself, _America won't let this happen again. We will learn._ Ten years later, I just realized that we have learned something from the attacks, but we still haven't applied it yet. – _Sonny Munroe_

I was watching _So Random_ when the channel's special report screen went up. At first, I was furious because Vaughan Maddox was about to crack his punch line, but that was all swept away by that single tiny airplane crashing into the World Trade Center. All I could think of at the time was, "Why?" but of course no one could actually answer my question. But I did know one thing as I watched the towers burn and fall: they shouldn't have done it at all. – _Tawni Hart_

I was probably five or six at the time, and I didn't understand why Dad was riled up by some exploding or burning buildings, because Dad always liked to watch those old war movies. In fact, I thought it was a movie until the newscaster said that it was real, it was happening, and it was being broadcast all over America. That's when I finally understood that we had been attacked right in our homes. As the years passed, every time September 11 came, I always ask myself: could it have been stopped? Or was it inevitable? – _Zora Lancaster_

It was the day of the release of my new movie, _A Man and His Child_, in which I played the titular child. We were on the stage, and I was watching the crew set up when I saw something black fly over us and towards the Twin Towers. I can't remember if I shouted when I saw the plane smash into the first tower, but I do remember that my mother tried to cover my eyes and turn me away from the crash. Of course, I pulled her hands away and looked back, and that was all that we could do while another plane went down into the tower, and then they collapsed. I can't remember if we were far away from the Towers, but I did begin to suffer from very mild asthma because of the dust that enveloped us at the time. I still have nightmares of the first crash, and I imagine myself seeing faces on that aircraft; some leering and some pleading for help. – _Chad Dylan Cooper_

I was eating my cereal during breakfast when I saw the news about the 9/11 attacks. I remember shouting, "Dad, a plane just crashed in New York!" He ran over to my side and asked me, "Where in New York did it crash?" "The World Trade Center," I said, reading off the name on the screen. Dad suddenly bolted for the phone and dialed some numbers, but all of them didn't answer. It was then that I remembered that Uncles Warren and Lando worked there, and I began to pray to God to keep them safe from harm, but He must have thought that it was their time, because we learned that they didn't make it. They brought back Uncle Lando's body, but they never found Uncle Warren in the rubble. It was a shame, actually. Their kids would never know how much they loved them, and Aunt Tabitha—Uncle Warren's wife—became catatonic; unable to care for her triplets. It was a wound that still hadn't healed even after ten years. – _Nico Harris_

My family was in Europe on that day, and we didn't learn of the attacks until the following morning, when all of it had already happened. I didn't see any footage of the crash or the collapse at the time, but I could still feel the terror that the people must have felt during those fateful minutes, even after all these years. I remember thinking; _America won't let these terrorists get away with this_, but I'm afraid that our priorities have become a little skewed with the passage of time. Before, we were really looking for the people who did this. Now, I think we're just blasting away on some poor goat herder because he likely resembled a bad guy. And I believe that this is a bad course for our country to keep. – _Grady Mitchell_

* * *

A/N: This is a tribute to all of those who died in the September 11 attacks, and is dedicated to them, their families and friends, and the real heroes of that fateful day.


	21. Grandpa!

A/N: Sorry for the inactivity in the past two months; things have been very hectic at school and I've only just got back to my computer without homework to do. I already have a ton of _Fun Goes On_ chapters piled up in my notebooks, but this is the first time that I've taken hold of the computer just to type my stuff and not my schoolwork and such. Anyways, here's a new sketch featuring the Webster family, which I eventually plan to base a new series around.

* * *

"**Grandpa"**

(Grady, the grandpa, is sitting in a rocking chair and watching the television when Chad, Mr. Webster, enters the room)

Grady: Charlie, would you kindly join me for a quiet walk in the park?

(Chad plops down on the sofa in front of the TV and ignores Grady)

Grady: Charlie? Will you accompany me to the park?

(Chad continues to ignore Grady)

Grady: Mr. Charles Dylan Webster, your father is talking to you!

(Chad continues to ignore Grady)

Grady: Is that how you treat your parents now, Charles Webster? Bah! I don't remember teaching you "disrespect your parents by ignoring them" when you were young! Now, I've lost interest in going to the park! I want to go to my room now!

(Zora, the Websters' daughter, enters the living room, playing with an iPad 2)

Grady: Ah, Zoe! Go and show your father how a responsible young adult helps a person in need! Now, help me out of this chair and into my room! Come on!

(Zora plops down on the couch beside Chad and ignores Grady)

Grady: Zoe, will you help me get to my room?

(Zora continues to ignore Grady)

Grady: Miss Zoe Sarah Webster, your grandfather is talking to you!

(Zora continues to ignore Grady)

Grady: Bah! You are your father's daughter! Is that how he taught you to show respect to older people these days? Bah! Just wait 'til your mother gets here!

(Sonny, Mrs. Webster, enters the scene)

Sonny: Hey, you two! Get off that couch and stop playing with your iPad because your dinner is ready! Dig in while it's still hot! You know that grilled beef steak is never good to eat once it gets cold!

Grady: Yeah! You tell them, daughter-in-law!

Chad: Just a minute, Honey-cured! It's the bottom of the seventh between the Yankees and the Red Sox.

Zora: Yeah, mom, just let me finish this boss level!

Sonny: (sighs) Well, since you two aren't going to eat right now, I might as well just join you two goof off. (sits down on the couch beside Chad)

Grady: Unbelievable! All of you don't have an ounce of respect in your cells!

(Chad, Zora, and Sonny ignore Grady)

Grady: This is unacceptable! Just because I'm an old man doesn't mean you don't have to pay me any attention anymore!

(Chad, Zora, and Sonny continue to ignore Grady)

Grady: You three don't care for me at all, do you? I bet you won't even bat an eyelid if I take this knife and slit my wrist with it! (Takes knife and proceeds to cut his wrist, while the Websters continue to ignore him)

Grady: Why isn't it cutting? (stops and thinks) Unbelievable! I can't believe I forgot about it! That's what you get for having a degenerative mental disease, you forget such things like being dead! (A blue aura surrounds Grady)

(The Websters scream as Grandpa moans and groans)

* * *

A/N: Well, that's it for now! More coming soon. - GR


	22. Like A Surgeon

(Inside an emergency room)

Chad: All right, what do we have here?

Tawni: The patient is currently suffering hyperkalemia due to arrhythmia that led to his cells overproducing potassium.

(Chad looks at Tawni suspiciously)

Tawni: The patient broke his forearm and fainted.

Chad: Oh. Why didn't you say so earlier? Okay, set him down on the table. Stabilize him, run an IV drip, the whole shebang. Now, what do we have here? (pulls back a cloth cover and recoils) Oh, geez! Damn.

Tawni: What can you say, doctor?

Chad: I can honestly say this is something I don't come across every day.

Sonny: Chances?

Chad: 50-50, 60-40 if we're lucky, careful, and thorough, which I am not.

Nico: What should we do now?

Chad: Well, I always say that in times like these, we should make…_like a surgeon_.

(Music from _Like a Surgeon_ plays, while Chad, Tawni, Sonny, and Nico begin dancing around the operating table)

_Like a surgeon (hey!)_

_Cutting for the very first time_

_Like a surgeon_

_Organ transplants are my line_

_Better give me all your gauze, nurse_

_This patient's fading fast_

_Complications have set in_

_Don't know how long he'll last_

_Let me see that IV_

_Here we go, time to operate_

_I'll pull his insides out_

_Pull his insides out and see what he ate (hey!)_

* * *

"**Cellphone"**

Sonny: Doctor, I think I finally know why the patient's stomach is ringing.

Chad: Really? Why is that, nurse?

Sonny: He swallowed his cellphone! (Pulls the cellphone out of the patient's body)

Chad: Ooh! Urrrgh…

* * *

"**Mouth"**

Tawni: Doctor, I need you to take a look at this!

Grady: Yes, nurse, what is it?

Tawni: I found a whole hamburger inside the patient's stomach!

Grady: Whoa! (Looks at Nico's head) Oh. With the size of the patient's mouth, I wouldn't be surprised if you found an entire battleship inside him!

(Nico smiles his big smile at the camera)

* * *

"**Fish"**

Zora: Doctor, I think you should take a look at this.

Sonny: What is it, nurse?

Zora: I found a fish inside the patient's stomach! (Pulls out a fish from Chad's stomach)

Chad: (Wakes up) You should know that I have an extreme case of tapeworm infestation. I decided to eat a whole fish so that it would eat the worms in my gut!

(Zora and Sonny cringe as they look at the camera)

* * *

"**Armpit"**

(Nico raises Grady's arm)

Nico: Hoo-wee! It smells like six armpits under there!

Tawni: What are you talking about, nurse? A man can have only two pits!

Nico: You don't believe me, Doctor? Smell for yourself! (Grabs Tawni and brings her closer to Grady's pit)

(Tawni covers her nose and mouth as she looks at the camera)

* * *

"**Satanist"**

Grady: Doctor, I didn't know how the human body looked like in the inside until now!

Chad: I know, nurse. It's disturbing, right?

Sonny: Hey, wait a minute! Are you two really doctors?

Chad: Not exactly. (assumes a deeper voice) Satan, Lord of Darkness, rise from the depths of Hell and receive our virgin sacrifice! (laughs maniacally)

(Grady laughs maniacally too while Sonny looks fearfully at the camera)

* * *

"**Darna"**

Zora: Doctor, I found a stone inside the patient's stomach! (Pulls out the stone in question)

Nico: Interesting, nurse. I wonder why our patient would swallow stones. I know of some cases of compulsive eaters that are known to eat stones. Or maybe she's a vegetarian, and she eats stones to aid her digestion, just like many herbivorous animals!

Tawni: (Wakes up) What are you talking about? I'm no vegetarian, and I ain't a compulsive eater too! And that's my superpower stone! (Takes the stone from Zora's hand and swallows it again) DARNA‼!

(A cloud of smoke appears in the operating room with exploding sound effects, and then Tawni reappears, now clad in a red two-piece superhero costume)

Tawni: Time to save the city and become an Avenger!

* * *

"**False Teeth"**

Sonny: Doctor, I think I finally found out why the patient won't eat.

Chad: Why is that, nurse?

Sonny: He swallowed his false teeth! (Pulls out the false teeth from the patient's stomach)

Chad: Whoa! Hot damn!

* * *

"**Intestines"**

Tawni: Doctor, take a look at this!

Nico: Why, nurse? What is it?

Tawni: Look at the patient's intestines!

Nico: What's so special about his intestines—whoa! Three intestines? How is that even possible? Okay, if this is the small intestine, and that is the large intestine, what's that in the middle?

Tawni: I think it's the medium intestine, doctor!

Nico: The medium intestine! Amazing! This thing only occurs in one in one billion people. Only seven people in the world have this special medium intestine! Damn! This will make me very popular! And rich, too! Boo-yah!

* * *

"**Picture"**

Zora: Whoa! Doctor, take a look at the patient's insides.

Grady: What the—oh, my word! What is that?

Zora: I don't know, Doctor. What should we do?

Grady: Wait. Let me think. Aha! I know! (Takes out a camera) Let's take pictures of it!

Zora: All right!

Grady: Okay, now, give me the peace sign, okay, now give me a formal shot. Good. Now, wacky, wacky! All right! Now, jump shot! Okay, my turn!

Zora: (takes the camera) Hahaha! Give me a rocker symbol, doc! Now give me formal. Okay, wacky, wacky! Jump shot!

Grady: This will probably get the both of us a lot of likes on Facebook!

Zora: Oh, I can't wait to post this!

* * *

"**Devil"**

Sonny: Okay, another cosmetic procedure for two o'clock for me…whoa!

Chad: What is it, doctor?

Sonny: You've got horns!

Chad: (rubs the horns on his forehead) Yeah.

Sonny: And you've got a tail!

Chad: (waves his tail around) That's right.

Sonny: You don't need a cosmetic procedure! You need total reconstructive surgery!

Chad: Reconstructive surgery, my tail! I don't need reconstructive surgery! What I need is you pouring acid all over my body so I can finally look more like a devil! That's gotta be a cosmetic procedure!

(Sonny looks at the camera questioningly)

* * *

"**More Intestines"**

Tawni: Doctor, take a look at this!

Nico: What is it, nurse?

Tawni: Take a look at what's in the patient's intestines!

Nico: Whoa! That looks like chicken intestines! He must be Filipino! (Pulls out _isaw_ on a stick from the patient's stomach)

* * *

"**Cents"**

Zora: Doctor, I think the patient was lying to us when he told us he swallowed three cents.

Grady: Why is that, nurse?

Zora: He actually swallowed three dollars!

Grady: What? Three dollars? Stand back! (Brings out a piggy bank)

Zora: What does your piggy bank have to do with the patient, doc?

Grady: I'm going to give his some change for those three dollars. I need three dollars right now! If I don't have three dollars today, the Albanians are gonna come down on me harder than a sack of potatoes!

Zora: I told you, doc. Never trust an Albanian loan shark!

(No offense to the real Albanians who work hard to feed their loved ones)

* * *

"**Heart"**

Sonny: I don't know why I have to do heart surgery on you, sir.

Chad: Why is that, doctor?

Sonny: You don't have a heart! You savage, heartless beast! I remember you stood me up all those years ago! I never forget a face, mister!

* * *

"**Heart Again"**

Tawni: Do you have the patient's heart, nurse?

Nico: Yes, doctor.

Tawni: Give it to me.

Nico: Here you go, doctor. Watch out! It's a little bit slippery!

Tawni: I have it. (laughs maniacally) You thought you could escape me, eh? Oh, no, no, sir! I now have your heart inside my hand, and I'm gonna play you to the beat! (Adele's _Rolling in the Deep _plays)

(Nico looks fearfully at the camera)

* * *

"**Banana"**

(Zora walks into the patient's room, slips on something, and then lands on top of the patient)

Grady: (enters the room and sees Zora on top of the patient) What have you done this time, nurse—Aah! (slips on the same thing that made Zora slip and lands on top of her)

Zora: I slipped on that banana peel, doctor... Ow.

(Grady moans as he looks at the camera)

* * *

"**Stomach"**

Sonny: All right, what do we have here? (Pulls out a clump of hair) Ew. (Pulls out some coins) Whoa. (Pulls out a knife) What in the world? (Pulls out a sword, a computer monitor, a television, a bicycle, and an airplane propeller) Wow! What have you been eating your whole life, sir?

Chad: What else? Everything that you just pulled out of my stomach!

* * *

"**Emergency"**

Grady: Make way! It's an emergency!

Tawni: Why? What happened?

Grady: I don't know! He just keeps pointing at his mouth. I think he's trying to tell us something!

(Nico examines the patient)

Tawni: How do we deal with this?

Grady: Don't ask me. I know next to nothing about surgery.

Nico: Doctors? You should take a look at this!

Grady: Why? What is it, nurse?

Tawni: Is it an emergency?

Nico: Oh, it's an emergency, all right. (Pulls out an emergency sign)

Grady: Wow! Hot damn!

Tawni: It _is _an emergency!

(The rest of the So Random gang enters the set)

Chad: Well, at least this emergency is over. But you'll find yourselves in a very big emergency if you don't catch us next week right here on…

All: _So Random_! Oh, yeah!

* * *

_Like a surgeon_

_Cutting for the very first time_

_Like a surgeon_

_Here's a waiver for you to sign_

_Whoa-ho-hoa_

_Whoa-ho-hoa_

_I can hear your heart beat_

_For the very last time…_

_(Flatline tone)_


	23. Zombie Gags

_There's a zombie invasion coming for you. What do you do? Panic and pull your hair out while waiting for the zombies to eat you? Grab a gun and go on a zombie-killing spree? Well, those choices never came to us here at So Random! Watch the following videos to know what not to do when the zombies come after you!_

* * *

"**Doorknob"**

Sonny: Chad! The zombies are about to break into the house!

Chad: Don't worry, Sonny! Whatever they do, they won't be able to get in!

Sonny: What? Why?

Chad: I removed the doorknob! (Holds up the doorknob in question)

Sonny: You fool! You just made it easier for the zombies to get in!

(The zombies finally enter the house and attack Chad while Sonny looks on in horror before turning to the camera)

* * *

"**Voters"**

Nico: Mayor! The zombies are invading!

Tawni: What? Get them out of here! What are they even doing here?

Nico: I think they're asking for their paychecks!

Tawni: What?

Nico: They're the dead people who voted for you, remember? Now they're looking for the money you promised them if they voted for you!

(Tawni winces at the camera)

* * *

"**Birds Vs Zombies"**

Grady: The zombies are invading us! What are we going to do?

Dinka: I know! Maybe we should buy some plants and have them attack the zombies. Aren't plants the weapons we use in _Plants versus Zombies_?

Grady: Dude, _PVZ_ is so old school! _Angry Birds_ is the new cool today! What we should do is find some angry birds and throw them at the zombies; see if they burst like pigs.

Dinka: Oh, right! Of course!

(Grady and Dinka grab some Angry Birds plushies and throw them at the zombies while the Angry Birds theme song plays)

* * *

"**Legs"**

Zora: The zombies are invading! What should we do?

Chad: I know! Maybe we should cut off one of our legs and throw it to the zombies as bait!

Zora: Okay, and what are we supposed to do after that?

Chad: While they're busy feeding on the leg, let's make a run for it! Good, huh?

(Zora stares suspiciously at the camera)

* * *

"**Poison"**

Sonny: The zombies are coming! What should we do?

Nico: I know! We'll poison them using this! (Holds up a poison bottle)

Sonny: How will we be able to do that?

Nico: We drink the poison, and then when they feed on us, they'll get poisoned too! Brilliant, right?

(Sonny shakes her head at the camera)

* * *

"**Help"**

Tawni: Grady, the zombies are breaking into the house! We have to call for help!

Grady: Are you crazy, woman? We can't call for help right now!

Tawni: What? Why?

Grady: Have you forgotten? This isn't our house! We're just thieves who took advantage of the zombie apocalypse and broke into this house! Now go nab that Blu-Ray disc player because we're making a run for it! (Lifts the flatscreen TV and makes a run for it while Tawni stares at the camera)

* * *

"**Teacher"**

Dinka: Zora! Zora! Look! The zombies are breaking into our house!

Zora: What? Woohoo!

Dinka: Why are you so happy, Zora? The zombies are about to eat us!

Zora: I just saw my teacher among the zombies! That means there's no school tomorrow! Oh, yeah! No classes! Yay!

* * *

"**Fly"**

Chad: Oh, no! Oh, no, no, no, no, no! The zombies are breaking into the house! What are we going to do?

Sonny: Don't worry, Chad! We'll fly out of here!

Chad: What? Fly? What do you mean, fly?

Sonny: I'm an angel. See? (Sprouts wings)

Chad: (Kneels down) Oh, my Lord, my deliverance!

* * *

"**Pretty"**

Nico: Bro, we're being attacked by zombies! What do we do?

Grady: Look for a pretty girl zombie in the horde! I'm sure there are some of them in there!

Nico: Hey, I see one! Dibs on that!

Grady: That one without a left arm's mine! Mine!

* * *

"**Zombies"**

Tawni: Ah! We're being attacked by zombies! What do we do?

Dinka: I know the solution, my dear wife! Zora! My child, come here.

Zora: Why? What is it, Dad?

Dinka: There are zombies outside, Zora.

Zora: All right! (Brings out a machine gun and fires it at the horde) Get some!

Dinka: Hooray, my child! Stick it up theirs!

* * *

"**Die"**

Tawni: Sonny, what are we going to do? The zombies are about to break into the house! If that happens, they'll eat us alive!

Sonny: I don't know about, but between suicide and being eaten by zombies, I'd rather kill myself. (Takes a knife and slashes her wrists)

Tawni: Hey, wait a minute! The zombies aren't trying to break in anymore. Wait another minute! They're going away! They're headed for our neighbors! And—oh, no! You just tried to kill yourself! That's gotta hurt!

* * *

"**Carols"**

Nico: Here's some for you, some for you, and some for you… (Gives money to the zombies)

Grady: Hey, Nico! What in the world are you doing, giving money to the zombies?

Nico: Whatcha say? Those people were zombies? That explains the awful moaning I keep hearing around them! I thought they were Christmas carolers who got a late start!

* * *

"**Collectors"**

Zora: Hey, Dad! What are you doing under the table? Are you afraid of the zombies?

Dinka: Shut up, child! They're not zombies! They're the collectors of our water, gas, electricity, and cable bills!

Zora: Eep!

* * *

"**Lovers"**

(Tawni runs into the house and locks the door while Nico, Grady, and Chad, the zombies, look at her through the window)

Tawni: Ah! Zombies! Get away!

Nico: Don't be scared of us, miss! We're just Joe Average Zombies looking for some love!

Grady: That's right!

Tawni: Are you guys serious? You're zombies!

Chad: Since when did zombification matter? Love conquers all!

Nico: My love for you is undying!

Grady: My heart is all yours! Literally!

Chad: I'm falling dead for you!

Sonny: All right, all right, I think that's enough, guys! You're making us all fall in love with your cheesy pickup lines! But remember, even though our time's up right now, you can never have enough of…

All: So Random! Boo-yah!


	24. Wedding Gags

"**Picture"**

Chad: We would like to thank you all for coming to our wedding… (hugs Sonny tightly and kisses her)

Nico: Hey there, sir! Can I take your picture?

Sonny: Sure! Go ahead! (poses beside Chad)

Nico: No, not now! I want to take your pictures while you're on your honeymoon! Ha-ha-ha!

(Chad and Sonny shake their heads at the camera)

"**Shame"**

Tawni: Woohoo! Let's party! Yeah! (pours more wine into her glass and drinks)

Grady: Tawni! Honey! Can you please just sit down for a minute?

Tawni: Why? What's it to you? (sits down reluctantly)

Grady: You're bringing shame to us, you know? You're making a fool of yourself in my friend's wedding!

Tawni: Oh, come on! Just drink some wine, and you wouldn't even care if the end of the world came! All right! More drinks! (pours more wine in her glass)

(Grady can only shake his head in disappointment)

"**Pregnant"**

Chad: You know, Dinka, let me tell you something about little old Sonny over there. She doesn't love you, bro! In fact, if I hadn't forced her to marry you, she wouldn't have! Ha-ha-ha!

Dinka: How dare you? Insulting a newlywed Glendovian man on the day of his wedding in front of his friends? Why don't you tell that in my face when I get Sonny pregnant, huh?

Chad: That's the sitch, Dinka! I already got her pregnant! I just passed on my responsibility to you! Aha-ha-ha! Hoo-wee, that was good. (wipes a tear on the corner of his eye)

(Dinka looks at Sonny, who lowers her head, and then at the camera)

"**Ugly"**

Grady: You know, Tawni, you should take good care of your husband. Our family has had a long history of marrying very handsome men and very beautiful women. And I want you to keep it going that way.

Tawni: Aw, thanks, Daddy! (hugs Grady)

Grady: As for me, though, I'm probably the only one who broke the tradition. And I'm beginning to regret that young, foolish decision. I mean, just take a look at your mother over there!

(Camera pans over to Nico, wearing an ill-fitting gown and a moth-eaten wig)

Grady: See that? That's the ugliest member of our clan! Ha-ha-ha! Oh, I don't know what I was drinking that day that made me marry that woman. Ah, memories… (wipes a tear on the corner of his eye)

(Tawni looks at the camera)

Sonny: Why is it that you finally get an appointment with the dentist, your teeth stop hurting? Why?

"**Stab"**

Dinka: All right, who here is brave enough to fight the great Arinkadinka Kashirovic, Glendovian boxing, wrestling, and mixed martial arts champion, eh? WHO?

Zora: Dad, you're drunk! Maybe you should sit down.

Dinka: What? I'm not drunk, Zora! Someone stabbed the great Arinkadinka Kashirovic in the back! (points to the knife protruding from his upper back) You backstabbing _mudak_! Show your face so that I can shove this knife right between your eyes and into your pitiful excuse of a brain! Come on! Show yourself!

(Zora winces at the camera)

"**Gay"**

Chad: I would like to give my utmost respect to my best friend, Nico, over there. He's such a good man, with a great body, a great physique, a great build…

Sonny: Honey, let's go! You're drunk!

Chad: How in the blazing heebie-jeebies did you know that I was drunk?

Sonny: You're turning gay! Don't you remember? Whenever you get drunk, you become gay!

"**Groom"**

Nico: You know, this wedding was a complete waste of my time! If I had known that this was going to happen, I wouldn't have come to this!

Tawni: Come on, it's time to get you out of here… (escorts Nico out)

Zora: Who was that guy?

Grady: The groom.

(Zora turns in surprise to the camera)

"**Relationship"**

Dinka: I remember the time when we went out on our first date. Oh! It was the best time of my life! It was the first time that I ate good food! But now, look at you! Married to someone else now!

Sonny: Uh, Dinka, we've never dated before.

Dinka: Ah! I was not talking about you, Allison; I was talking about your husband! Ha-ha-ha!

Chad: I thought that was supposed to be our secret, Dinka!

Dinka: Sorry, comrade; a drunk man always tells the truth!

(Chad looks nervously at Sonny then at the camera)

Tawni: Why is it that when you're taking a joyride, there's little or no traffic on the streets, but when you need to reach your destination quickly and immediately, the traffic becomes heavy? Why?

"**Empty"**

Nico: To everyone in this room, I would like to thank you all for attending my son's wedding! Ha-ha-ha! (drinks straight from the bottle of wine)

Tawni: Honey, will you please stop drinking for now?

Nico: What? Why?

Tawni: There's nobody left in here anymore! They all went home a few hours ago! And now I think it's time for us to leave now, too. Here comes the caretaker!

Grady: Excuse me, ma'am, sir, but I think you should leave now. But to you, our dear viewers we may be leaving now, but we're sure to be back next week right here on…

All: _So Random!_ All righty!


	25. Threat Gags

"**Take Care"**

Sonny and Chad were just your average husband and wife. They were quietly watching the television when someone threw a rock through their window. The rock landed at Sonny's feet, and she picked it up and removed the paper wrapping the rock. She looked at the message written on the paper, then at Chad, then back at the paper.

"What does it say, Sonny?" Chad asked, no longer able to handle the suspense.

"'Take care of yourself, Cooper'," Sonny replied.

"Is someone trying to threaten me?" Chad asked himself.

"Fool!" Sonny shouted. "This came from your mistress! I knew you were cheating on me! The message even has an XOXO at the end!" She showed the paper to Chad, who looked at it briefly before turning towards the camera.

* * *

"**Outside"**

Tawni and Nico were watching television when someone threw a rock through the window. It landed on the couch and bounced into Nico's hands. "The rock bounces!" he exclaimed as he removed the paper wrapped around the rock.

"It does," Tawni mumbled, trying hard not to laugh. Instead, she had an odd coughing fit that lasted for two seconds. Finally, she was able to say, "What does it say?"

Nico read the whole message before showing it to Tawni. "My love, someone's trying to threaten us," he said. "It said something bad is going to happen to us if we try to step out of our house."

"What do we do, Nico?"

Nico thought for a moment before replying, "Check outside. Maybe the guy who threw the rock is still out there." Tawni quickly stood up from the couch and went out of the house, and then just as quickly went back in and asked Nico, "Wait a minute! Why am I checking it out? Why not you?"

Nico could only stare at the camera. If one watches closely, you could see that he's mouthing the words, _Yeah; there is something definitely wrong with that._

* * *

"**Numbered"**

"Honey, I'm home!" Grady shouted as he entered the house. Suddenly, a rock from out of nowhere struck him in the temple and made him bump his head on the edge of the living room's coffee table. His wife, Zora, immediately shrieked and came to his aid. "OMG, Grady, are you okay?" she asked him.

"Barely," he replied weakly.

"Wait; let me see what's on the rock." Zora grabbed the rock that had struck Grady and removed the paper wrapping it. "What does it say?" Grady asked her.

"'Watch your back, Grady; your days are numbered.'"

"Is that so?" Grady suddenly went limp.

* * *

"**Wrong Number"**

Sonny and Nico were watching the television when someone threw a rock through their window. A surprised Nico bolted upright on his seat and grabbed the rock. He removed the paper wrapping it and read the message written on the paper aloud.

"'You are very hard-headed'," he read. "'Fatso! Fatso!' Hey, wait a minute! I ain't fat!"

"I'm most definitely not the fat one," Sonny added.

"'I will burn your shop to the ground!'"

"Shop? We don't have a shop! Do we, Nico?"

"Not that I'm aware of, Sonny. Wait; there's more. 'I will kill your children one by one.' What the heck does that mean?"

"We don't have kids, Nico. You're sterile, remember?"

"Here's the last part, honey. 'Remember, you slimy slimeball, you are not the king of Pasadena'—Pasadena? We're in Glendale!"

"Does that message even make sense?" Sonny asked. Just then, someone through another rock at them. Nico picked it up once again. "What does it say?" Sonny asked him.

"'Sorry, wrong number.' Unbelievable!" Nico showed the message to Sonny, who could only shake her head at the camera.

* * *

"**Warning"**

Tawni and Grady were quietly watching the television when someone threw a rock at them. The crash of the window shocked Grady out of his seat, and he almost fell off of the couch. "Whoa!" he shouted. "What the heck was that?"

"It's a rock," Tawni replied, picking it up. "There's some kind of paper wrapped around it."

"That must mean there's a message in there. What does it say, my love?"

Tawni looked at the paper, then at Grady. "'Watch out,'" she read. "'There are many people throwing rocks into houses today.'"

"You don't say?" Grady told the camera.

* * *

"**Friend"**

"Go Clippers!" shouted Chad and Dinka. "Run that ball to the basket, CP3!"

"Aw, dang it!" said Nico. "He missed!"

"Still a good play, though," Chad muttered as they settled back on their sofas. Suddenly, someone threw a rock at them, surprising them. Nico grabbed the rock and removed the paper wrapped around it. "What does it say, bro?" Chad asked him.

Nico read the paper for a second or two before saying, "'Emma Elmslie wants to be your friend. Accept, reject, or ignore?'"

Dinka thought about it for a moment before replying, "Reject that request, Nico. I don't even know who that Emma person is!"

"Okay." Nico took the rock, wrapped the paper around it again, and threw it back outside.

* * *

"**Rock"**

"This show is so amazing," Dinka told Zora. "It is very funny!"

"Yeah, and it's romantic, too!" Zora added.

"I love _Rom-Com_," Dinka muttered. Suddenly, a rock landed on their feet. Zora picked it up and said, "It's a rock!"

"I noticed, Zora," Dinka replied. As she removed the paper wrapping, he asked her, "Is there a message on it? What does it say?"

"'Watch your back, Kashirovic,'" Zora read, "'I will soon have my revenge.' Oh, my! What do we do, Dinka?"

"I know! Hide the rock! Keep it in a safe place."

"Why? Are we going to use it as evidence? See if CSI can pull a fingerprint off of it?"

"No, Zora, I'm going to use it as a scrubber! See?" Dinka grabbed the rock from Zora and cradled it in his palm. "It fits perfectly in my hand! It's perfect, just like you."

Zora made a face at the camera.

* * *

"**Repair"**

"This show is so funny," Nico muttered. Suddenly, someone threw a rock at him and Sonny. Nico stood up, picked up the rock, and removed the paper wrapped around it. "What does it say, Nico?" Sonny asked him.

"'Broken windows and mirrors? Call Little Johnny's Glass Repair Shop at 935-01-05!'"

"All this effort for some cheap advertising?" Sonny asked the camera.

* * *

"**Note"**

Chad seemed very preoccupied with the telephone, while Tawni watched the television. Suddenly, someone threw a rock at them. "What was that?" asked a very surprised Tawni.

"It's a rock," Chad replied. "It's wrapped in paper." He removed the paper in question. "There's a message on the paper."

"What does it say?" Tawni asked. And then a horrible thought occurred to her. "OMG! Maybe it's a ransom note! Someone we know must have been kidnapped!"

"Are you crazy?" Chad shouted. "What do you mean kidnapped? We're actually the kidnappers! Have you forgotten about our hostage!?" He pointed out Zora, who smiled at the camera despite having her hands tied.

"Oh, right. Well, what does it say?"

"'This is the police,'" Chad read. "'Our megaphone broke down, so we're going to communicate this way. You are surrounded on all sides! Surrender now or you will be shot!" His voice rose by an octave for every word starting from the third sentence.

* * *

"**Chain Mail"**

Sonny and Dinka were watching the television when someone threw a rock at them. Sonny shrieked in surprise, but Dinka only reacted to the stone when he heard Sonny shout. He picked up the stone, which had landed at his feet, and handed it to Sonny. "What does it say?" he asked her.

"'God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good,'" Sonny read. "'Please pass this on to ten of your closest friends and you will receive a miracle.' Can you believe this chain mail stuff?"

"_Da_, Sonny, I cannot believe it, too," Dinka replied as he turned to the camera.

* * *

"**Warning"**

"This show is so funny!" Nico said as he guffawed. Tawni, who was watching television with him, laughed hard also and told him, "It's amazing, right?"

"Yeah, very amazing." Suddenly, someone threw a rock at them. Nico jumped back in surprise. "Holy cow!" he said, stressing each syllable. "It's a letter with a rock!" he told Tawni as he picked it up.

"Well, what does it say?"

"It says, 'Be on the lookout. Someone may try to smash your windows.'"

"Hmm," Tawni muttered. "I wonder when that will happen."

"Are you serious?" Nico asked her. He turned to the camera and asked, "Is she serious?"

* * *

"**Doctor"**

Zora and Chad were quietly watching television when someone suddenly threw a rock at them. The rock attracted little attention from the two of them, but Zora did pick up the rock. She removed the paper wrapped around it and read it. "What does it say, Zora?" Chad asked her.

"'Brace yourself, Cooper,'" Zora read aloud, "'your days are numbered.'"

"Damn it, it's my enemies trying to scare me again! Hey, suckers!" he shouted at the general direction of his enemies. "You can't scare me! I'm Chad Dylan Cooper! CDC is un-scare-able!"

Suddenly, Zora slapped him hard. "What the hell was that for?" Chad shouted at her.

"Fool!" Zora told him. "That wasn't from your enemies! That was from your doctor! You've been diagnosed with cancer. That's why your days are now numbered."

Chad could only look at the camera in embarrassment.

* * *

"**Receipt"**

Sonny and Grady were quietly watching television when someone threw a rock at them. It struck the side of Grady's face, and he moaned in pain as he clutched the stricken part. Sonny took the rock and removed the paper wrapped around it. "There's a message on the paper," she said. "OMG! Maybe someone's trying to scare us!"

"Come on, let me see that," Grady said, still clutching his throbbing face. Sonny handed him the paper, which he smoothed out using his free hand and his elbow. "What's in it?" Sonny asked him.

"It's a receipt for aspirin," Grady replied, showing her the receipt in question.

* * *

"**Mustache"**

Sonny, Tawni, Zora, Nico, Grady, Chad, and Dinka were watching television when someone suddenly threw a rock at them. It struck Dinka in the head before landing in Zora's lap. She removed the paper wrapped around it and read the message written on it. "What does it say, Zora?" Nico asked her.

"'_Through those windows I will smash_," Zora read, "'_the head of the one with the bushy 'stash_.' Hey, guys, what does that mean?"

"That can only mean one thing," Nico replied. "Whoever threw that rock must be Hawkeye, for he has struck the right guy!" He guffawed at his own rhyme. "Freaking sharpshooters everywhere nowadays…"

"You got that right, man!" Grady replied. Then, turning to the camera, he said, "Lots of people are throwing stones today, but if you don't want to get stoned, just tune in to… wait for it…"

"_So Random_!" they all shouted. "See you next time!"


	26. The Assassin 2: Mercy Killer

_It doesn't matter where you live or where you hide  
Better watch your back, 'cause I'll find you  
Pray that I won't pull the trigger when I see you  
I'm the Assassin!_

* * *

"**Mercy Killer"**

Sonny quietly sneaked into Nico's bedroom. She pulled out a Beretta pistol from underneath her leather jacket and chambered a round. The sound of the action sliding back its position woke Nico up from his sleep. He removed his eyemask and was very surprised to find a woman dressed in black clutching a pistol which was pointed at him. "What the heck?" he said. "Who are you!?"

"It's nothing personal, man," Sonny replied. "It's just business."

"No!" Nico shouted. "Please don't kill me! Please! Have mercy on me! Please don't kill me! I'm begging you, please! Don't kill me! Don't!"

"Will you shut up!?" Sonny told Nico. "Don't beg for mercy from me, all right?"

"Why? Do you have any qualms about killing me?"

"No, it's just that I'm a very merciful person. I was planning on killing you while you were asleep, but you had to wake up and mess up my whole plan…. So can you please just shut up when I'm trying to kill you?"

"But if you're really a merciful person," Nico asked, "why are you trying to kill me?"

"I'm an assassin!" Sonny replied. "That's my job! And if I don't kill you, my employer is gonna kill me! Can you just shut up and let me kill you?"

"You know, anyone you try to kill face-to-face is really gonna beg for mercy from you. So please, don't kill me! Please!"

"Shush!" Sonny looked at her gun with disgust then put it down on Nico's bedside table. "I knew that gun wouldn't work," she muttered to herself. Then she turned back to Nico and said, "Come closer."

"You want me to come closer to you?" Nico asked.

"Yeah, yeah, come closer, man."

"You're not gonna shoot me anymore?" There was a very obvious hint of hope in Nico's voice.

"No, I'm not gonna shoot you anymore," Sonny replied. "I'm gonna choke you to death!" And she laid her hands on Nico's neck and strangled him as hard as she could.

"Please! No! Don't kill me!" The words gurgled out of Nico's crushed windpipe. "Please don't!"

"Enough!" Sonny shouted. She let go of Nico and threw him back to his bed. "What the hell, man!? Your very face is just begging for mercy! Don't do that again! You're making it very hard for me to kill you!"

"You know, if you try to choke somebody-" Nico coughed as fresh air flowed back into his throat, "they're really going to beg you for mercy. So please, don't try to kill me no more. Please!"

"That's it," Sonny said. "No more Miss Nice Girl! I don't want to see your face. Lie down."

"You want me to lie down?" Nico asked.

"Who else am I talking to here? I said lie down!"

"You're not gonna kill me anymore?" Nico asked hopefully.

"What are you talking about? I don't want to see your ugly face pleading for mercy, so I'm just gonna smother you with this pillow!" Sonny grabbed one of Nico's pillows and brought it down hard on his face.

"Mmmm! Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm! Hmm-hmm-mmm!" Nico moaned under the pillow. His limbs flailed about everywhere, vainly trying to force his attacker off of him.

"What the heck is wrong with you!?" Sonny shouted in desperation. She yanked the pillow off of Nico and threw it away. "Why is your voice even begging for mercy?"

"Are you high?" Nico asked Sonny weakly.

"I may not see your face, but I can still hear your pitiful voice! This is unbelievable!" Sonny facepalmed herself and sighed. Maybe she should just kill herself instead of this guy.

"You know, miss, to be honest, the things you want me to do are pretty impossible," Nico told her. "You don't want someone to beg for mercy when you're trying to shoot them. You don't want someone to beg for mercy when you're trying to choke them. And you don't want to hear someone crying for help when you're smothering them!"

"It's because I can hear your pitiful cries for mercy!"

"So, the key to killing me is you shouldn't see me and hear me beg for mercy!"

"Exactly!" Sonny replied. "But how am I to do that?" Suddenly a light bulb went on in her mind. "I've got it! Do you have some cotton balls?"

"Of course!" Nico said. "I've got some in my medicine cabinet, but there're some extra balls under my bedside table."

"Perfect!" Sonny grabbed two balls and plugged her ears with them. Then she noticed Nico's eyemask. "Can I borrow that?" she asked.

"Sure thing," Nico replied, handing over the eyemask. "Is it gonna fit you? It should; it's freesize."

Sonny put on the eyemask. Now she couldn't see or hear anything. "Perfect," she muttered. "Just perfect. Now don't move around so I can kill you," she told Nico.

"Oh, dear me, here it comes," Nico said to himself. "Please don't kill me! Have mercy on me!"

"I have you now!" Sonny took her pistol and pulled the trigger. The bullet struck Nico's left shoulder. He screamed in pain. Sonny removed the eyemask to see her handiwork. Instead she found her target clutching his shoulder.

"What the hell happened to you?" she asked him.

"You hit me in the shoulder!"

"I told you not to move around!" Sonny replaced the eyemask and fired again. When she removed the mask, she saw Nico now clutching both shoulders. "Unbelievable! You're still not dead yet? Don't move! Don't move!" This time she fired three times. None of them struck any vital areas.

"Oh! The pain!" Nico shouted. "It hurts!"

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" Sonny shouted. "Why won't you die?"

"You're sick!" Nico shouted back. "You're sick! You're a sick sadist son-of-a-gun!"

"I told you to stop moving around!"

"I've got wounds everywhere because of you!"

"That's because you're moving around when I'm trying to shoot you!"

"Give me your gun!" Nico ordered Sonny.

"Why? You're gonna try to kill me?"

"Just give me that gun! Gadzooks!" Nico checked the chamber to see if a round was still loaded. When he had confirmed that, he put the gun to his temple and pulled the trigger. Sonny, who had removed the eyemask and the cotton balls, saw in gory detail Nico's suicide. The sheer violence of the act made her cry in despair.

"I'm never gonna kill anyone again," she muttered through her tears.


	27. Mashup Numbuh One

"**Map"**

"I think we're lost, Sonny," Chad finally admitted after they had spent almost twenty minutes wandering aimlessly around the forest.

"Really?" Sonny asked sarcastically. "What makes you say that?"

"I, uh, left my map at home."

"So what are we going to do now?"

A lightbulb suddenly went on over Chad's head. "I know!" he shouted. "I'll go back to my house and grab my map! We'll never be lost after that! What do you say, Sonny? Am I a genius or what?"

Sonny could only shake her head in disappointment at the camera.

* * *

"**Cat"**

"I think we're lost, Tawni," Nico finally admitted after a few minutes of circling the same grove of trees.

"Really?" Tawni asked. "Why?"

"See that cat over there?" Nico pointed at the feline in question.

"Yeah. What has that cat got in us getting lost?"

"I tried to lose that cat a couple of days ago!" Nico scratched his head. "I brought that cat here so that he won't be able to find his way back, and now it seems that we're stuck here, just like him! Oh, the horror!"

* * *

"**Break"**

Zora was carrying a pile of dirty dishes back to the kitchen when she suddenly tripped and fell down. The dishes were all smashed to pieces. "OMG!" she said. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to…"

"Hey!" Grady, the manager, shouted. "That's coming out of your paycheck, that is! Do you still remember my policy? Do you want me to remind you? 'The value of every object that an employee breaks on or off the job will be taken from his or her paycheck'!"

"Everything I break, huh, sir?" Zora asked. Suddenly she kneed Grady's crotch. He went down hard, clutching his "family jewels". "Take _that_ out of my paycheck!" she told him.

* * *

"**Rat"**

Nico was carrying Sonny's order to her table when he suddenly stumbled and fell. Bits and pieces of dishes and glasses scattered all around the restaurant. "Oh, dear me!" he muttered.

"Hey!" Sonny shouted. "Will you look at what you've done? You just spread my order all over the floor!"

"Well, excuse me, miss!" Nico retorted. "If you haven't noticed, there's a freakishly huge rat blocking my way to your table, and if I haven't tried to avoid that rat, your order will all be stuffed inside that rat's cheeks!" Nico pointed at the fake rat prop between him and Sonny, and Sonny yelped in surprise and brought her legs up and away from the rat.

* * *

"**Gotcha"**

"Taxi!" Tawni shouted. One finally stopped in front of her, and Grady, the driver, rolled down the window. "Where to, ma'am?" he asked.

"Downtown."

"Sorry, ma'am," Grady apologized, "no can do. I'm about to head back to Grove Street myself."

"Okay." Tawni got into the cab. "Let's go!"

"Wait a minute, ma'am," Grady said. "I thought you were going downtown. I'm headed for Grove Street. Why are you going with me?"

"Because I know how you cabdrivers think!" Tawni replied. "If I told you I was going to Grove Street, you're just gonna tell me that you're going downtown! So come on! Let's go! I have to go home right now!"

* * *

"**Near and Far"**

"Taxi!" Sonny shouted. One finally stopped in front of her, and Nico, the driver, rolled down the window. "Where to, ma'am?" he asked.

"Can you take me downtown?"

"Sorry, ma'am; that's too far for my route."

"All right. Just take me to Grove Street."

"Sorry again, ma'am," Nico replied. "But that one's too near. Why don't you just walk the rest of the way?"

Sonny turned to the camera in surprise.

* * *

"**Lost"**

"I think we are lost, Zora," Dinka finally admitted after they had been wandering aimlessly around the forest for some time. "Call the rescue teams!" he told her. "We will never get out of this dark, impenetrable wilderness without professional help!"

"Yeah, I sort of thought that we are lost, so I already called the rescue teams," Zora replied.

"And? Where are they now?"

"I just got a call from them. They said that they were lost, too!"

"We are never getting out of this green hell," Dinka muttered to the camera before fainting.

* * *

"**Store"**

"Sonny!" Chad shouted. "Sonny, wait up!" He leaned on a tree trunk and panted heavily before continuing his pursuit. "We're already lost, milady! We should stick together, not split up!"

"Don't worry, Chad," Sonny replied, not even slightly tired after miles of running. "I can see a store nearby! We're about to get rescued!"

"A store?" Chad asked. "All right! I can finally buy a map that will help us get out of here! Yahoo! I'm such a genius!"

Sonny could only shake her head at the camera.

* * *

"**Poisonous"**

"Hey, Nico!" Tawni shouted. "Is this plant poisonous?" She held up a branch filled with plump red berries, or at least something that looked like berries.

"I don't know, Tawni," Nico replied. "Let's find out! Hey, Dinka!" he shouted. "Come here!"

"_Da?_" Dinka said when he arrived. "What is it this time?"

"Eat this!" Nico commanded him, holding up the branch with the red berry-like fruits. "See if it's poisonous!"

"Okay!" And Dinka downed the whole thing in a single gulp. Suddenly, foam burst out of his mouth, and then he convulsed, until he finally fell down, dead as a dodo.

"I think that plant's poisonous, Tawni," Nico muttered.

* * *

"**Good Job"**

Grady was carrying armfuls of dirty dishes when he passed by a CAUTION: WET FLOOR sign and almost slipped. The dishes flew out of his hands, but he skillfully managed to catch each and every one of those plates before they could crash down on the floor. Everybody in the restaurant saw what he did and gave him a warm round of applause. He bowed, silently accepting the publicity.

"Good job, Grady," Tawni, the manager, said, patting Grady's back lightly. Suddenly, all of the dishes that Grady had painstakingly caught fell out of his arms and shattered on the restaurant floor. He and Tawni could only look at the camera in shock after that incident.

* * *

"**Problem"**

"Hey, Tawni!" Zora, the manager, muttered. Tawni, a waitress, walked over to Zora's side and asked, "What is it, boss?"

"See that new guy over there?" Zora told her, pointing at Sonny, who was clumsily picking up and laying down dishes.

"Yes, boss."

"I have a problem with that woman. I don't know why, but I just have that feeling in my gut that that girl's gonna be an unlucky charm for all of us."

Sonny slipped and dropped a tray full of dishes and glasses. "Oops, my mistake," she said, a little too loud for Tawni's taste. "Hey, boss!" she shouted. "That wasn't my fault, okay? You didn't see me do that on purpose, right?"

"Yeah, whatever, you're still gonna clean that up!" Zora shouted back.

"Just so we're clear on that part, okay, boss?"

"Yeah, whatever!" Then, turning back to Tawni, Zora said, "What were we talking about again? Oh, yeah. The new guy. She's such a pain in the neck. She always wants to make it clear that every accident that happens here is not her fault."

* * *

"**Going Home"**

Grady pulled over to where Tawni was calling for a cab. He rolled down the window and asked her, "Where to, ma'am?"

"Can you take me to Seville Boulevard?" she asked him.

"No can do, ma'am," Grady replied. "I'm about to garage my cab and go home."

"And where's your garage, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Seville Boulevard."

* * *

"**Flood"**

"Taxi!" Zora shouted. Nico pulled over to her and asked, "Where to, miss?"

"Can you drive me to the next block?"

"The next block!?" Nico snorted. "Are you serious? Why can't you just walk there!?"

"Well, Mr. Know-it-all, I _would_ walk over to the next block were it not for the fact that the floodwaters there are higher than a man! Now let me in and get me there with this taxi-slash-amphibian vehicle of yours! Come on! Let's go!"

Nico could only look at the camera with wonder and disbelief.

* * *

"**Native"**

"Oh, man, Grady," Chad moaned. "We are seriously lost in this forest! We're never gonna get out of here!"

"Don't worry, Chad, my man," Grady assured him. "We've got Nico over here!" He grabbed Nico's backpack and hauled him into center stage. "He'll surely get us out of this mess safely!"

"Aw, shucks, Grady, you didn't have to!" Nico said. "Why do you think I can help you? Is it because of that advanced survival training course that I took, the one which Bear Grylls himself taught?"

"No, stupid!" Grady replied. "It's because you're a native of this part of the world! Now come on! Use your latent native headhunting skills to lead us out of her and back to civilization!"

Nico could only look at the camera with contempt.

* * *

"**Flashlight"**

"Dinka, I'm scared!" Tawni told Dinka as they wandered aimlessly around the forest. "It's getting darker and darker in here, and I think we're lost!"

"Do not worry, my dear Tanya!" Dinka assured her, using the Russian approximation of her name. "I have a flashlight!" He brought out a tiny pocket flashlight. He turned it on, but no light shone from it. "What in the world? Why won't you work!?" Dinka began furiously tapping the flashlight on his palm before he decided to check the batteries. But when he opened the battery compartment, there were no batteries at all inside!

"OMG!" Tawni shouted. "Where are the batteries!?"

"They must have fallen on the path while we were walking," Dinka said, more to himself than to Tawni.

"How are we going to find them in this darkness?"

"Do not worry, Tanya!" Dinka told her. "I have a flashlight! Wait; why won't it turn on? The batteries! They're gone! We have to find the batteries in the dark! But don't worry; I have a flashlight!" And this endless cycle went on and on until Tawni's head spun around as she turned to face the camera.

* * *

"**Light"**

"It's getting dark out here, Nico!" Zora shouted. "Do you have a flashlight?"

"No," Nico replied. "I thought we'd be home by now."

"Oh, man! How are we going to find our way out in the dark!?"

"Hey, wait a minute! I found something!" Nico's hands held a thin piece of string that could barely be seen in the darkness. "It looks like a piece of string or something…" He yanked the string down, and then suddenly, light flooded the forest. Zora and Nico blinked hard as their eyes adjusted back to the light, and then Nico finally said, "We have light!"

"And it is good, Nico!" Zora added.

* * *

"**Shards"**

Nico was carrying a tray full of dishes when he slipped. The plates all shattered as they hit the ground. "My job!" he moaned. "I'm about to lose it!"

"Hey, Nico!" Sonny, the manager, shouted. "I saw what happened! You'll have to pay for all the tableware you broke, so I'm taking it out of your paycheck!"

"Ma'am Sonny, have mercy on me!" Nico begged. "The money I earn on this job and all my other jobs can barely feed my family! What shall I bring home to them if you take the value of those plates out of my paycheck?"

"I think the answer's obvious, Nico," Sonny replied. "Pick up those shards and feed those to your family! I'll even give you a doggie bag for free!"

"I don't think that's a viable option now, ma'am," Nico said, his tone changing from pleading to curious. "My wife isn't a carnie anymore."

"What has your wife being a former carnie got anything to do with these broken plates?"

"You see, ma'am, that's what my wife used to do." And then, turning to the camera, and acting like a circus announcer, Nico boomed, "Alfreda, the Woman that Can Eat Broken Glass!"

* * *

"**License Plate"**

"Taxi!" Sonny shouted. Grady pulled over next to her, lowered his window, and asked, "Where to, ma'am?"

"Can you take me to Burbank?"

"Sorry, ma'am, no can do."

"Hey!" Sonny shouted. "Taxi drivers aren't supposed to refuse rides to passengers!"

"I know that, ma'am," Grady replied, "but whatever way you look at it, Burbank's just too far away from my regular routes."

"Ha! You think I'm falling for that old line!? No, sir, no! I'm going to get your license plate number and report you to the DMV!"

"Go ahead, ma'am!" Grady jeered. "Let's see if you and your DMV can catch me next week!"

Sonny, who had momentarily stepped out of the screen, came back carrying a license plate. "I've got your license plate now, mister!" she yelled at Grady. "Catch me if you can! Last one to the DMV office is a rotten egg! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Then she ran away.

"Hey!" Grady shouted. "My license plate! Give it back! Somebody help me! Some crazy woman from Burbank just stole my license plate!"

* * *

"**Kiss"**

"Taxi!" Tawni shouted. Nico pulled over and asked her, "Where to, ma'am?"

"Can you take me to Industry?"

"Sorry, ma'am," Nico apologized, "but that's not on my route."

"Oh." Tawni thought for a while and then said, "Maybe a little kiss on the neck will solve that problem!"

"Sorry, ma'am; I'm not falling for that gambit!"

"Come on!" Tawni shouted. "This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!"

"Actually, I already have a lifetime's worth of kisses courtesy of women like you who think that a kiss on the neck is enough to solve life's problems!" Nico then lowered the scarf covering his neck to reveal dozens of lipstick marks. "See that? The woman who made that looked a lot like that Sonny Munroe from _So Random! _And this one—see this one?—a Tawni Hart lookalike made that!" He made an evil laugh while Tawni could only roll her eyes at the camera.

* * *

"**The Way"**

"Admit it, Grady," Chad yelled. "We're lost!" They had been circling the same tree for almost an hour and a half by now.

"All right, fine!" Grady shouted back. "If that's what's gonna make you shut up then, yes! We are lost!"

"I thought you knew the way into the forest, bro!"

"Yeah, I do know the way _in_, Chad," Grady said, "but I don't know the way _out_!"

"We're doomed," Chad muttered at the camera.

* * *

"**Carnivore"**

"Hey, Nico," Tawni said, "is that animal a herbivore or a carnivore?"

"I don't know, Tawni," Nico replied. "Let's find out! Hey, Chad!"

"What is it, bro?" Chad asked Nico once he had entered the scene.

"You're an expert catcher, right?"

"You got that right, bro! Little League catching champion for almost eight years straight!"

"Catch this, bro!" Nico then threw an apple towards the mystery animal.

"I got it! I got it!" As expected, Chad ended up bumping into the mystery animal while trying to catch the apple. Suddenly, the camera turned back to Nico and Tawni, and then loud growling noises could be heard in the background as something, or someone, was being mauled offscreen. "Help me!" Chad shouted. "This animal is eating me alive! Oh, mommy, the pain! Ooh…"

"I think that's a carnivore, Tawni," Nico said after the growling noises had finally stopped.

* * *

"**Daughter"**

"Taxi!" Nico shouted. Grady pulled over and asked him, "Where to, sir?"

"Do you happen to know any good restaurants around here where a couple can have a nice first date?" Nico asked in reply.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I can't let you do that."

"What?" The answer had obviously shocked Nico and Tawni, his girlfriend. "Why?"

"Your girlfriend, sir, is my daughter!" Grady replied. "Tawni, we are going to have to talk to each other later, okay? Now get in the car."

"Yes, Dad," Tawni meekly replied, quietly getting into Grady's taxi. Grady revved his engine and left Nico coughing in a cloud of dust and exhaust.

* * *

"**Eenie Meenie"**

"Okay, Sonny," Tawni said. "I think it's safe to say that we are officially lost by now. We've been circling this same tree and walking into the same fork over and over again! Do you actually have any idea of where we're going?"

"Just calm down, Tawni," Sonny told her. "There're two ways out of here. I'm going to use a simple process of elimination that will hopefully get us out of this forest!" She covered her eyes then began chanting, "_Eenie-meenie-miney-mo, catch-a-tiger-by-the-toe, lead-us-out-of-here-so-we-won't-become-Tiger-Po!_"

"All right, guys, that's enough guessing for tonight," Nico said as he and the others entered the forest set. "And just so you, our dear viewers, won't get lost next week, make sure to tune in to WEASEL. Anyways, we'll see you again next week, here on…"

"_So Random!_" the cast shouted. "_Vive le France_ and all that!"


	28. Two Friends

Loyalists and rebels were firing at each other in a small clearing in the forest. Most of the soldiers on both sides quickly fell, until only two were left: Sonny, a Loyalist, and Tawni, a Rebel. "Drop your weapon!" they both shouted at the same time.

"Drop it!" Sonny shouted. "Drop it at the count of three, or I swear to God, I will shoot you!"

"No, _you _drop your weapon," Tawni countered, "or I'll shoot you after the count of three!"

"One! Two! Three!" It was a very tense moment. Both of them already had their fingers on the trigger, and it was only a matter of who was going to shoot first.

"No!" Sonny shouted. "I can't do this anymore!" She threw her rifle on the ground.

"I can't do this anymore too!" Tawni added, and she also threw her rifle down on the ground.

"This civil war sucks," Sonny muttered.

"I know, right?" Tawni replied. "It's pitting brother against brother, father against son, and friend against friend."

"You know, all this wouldn't have happened if only you rebels had accepted that we won the other civil war."

"How can we accept your victory when you loyalists only forced us to sign your peace treaties or else you'll carpet-bomb all of our cities?"

"Seriously?" Sonny asked. "You believe that we forced you into the peace treaties by threatening to bomb your cities?"

"No, that was just the propaganda that our leaders kept trying to drill into our heads," Tawni replied. "How about you? Do you believe that we were responsible for those countryside genocides?"

"Now, that was _our _propaganda, but I never believed a word of it."

"Hey, we've got something in common," Tawni said. "We both don't believe in our propaganda. By the way, how did you get into this mess?"

"Oh, me?" Sonny asked. "I got drafted."

"Hey!" Tawni said. "I got drafted too!"

"Really?" Sonny laughed. "Looks like we got more things in common than I previously thought. What do you say we become friends?"

"That's a very good idea!" Tawni said, and they shook hands. "I know a cousin who can help us escape to Canada!"

"Good idea!" Suddenly a look of horror showed up on Sonny's face. "Shoot!" she said. "It's my sergeant! Quick; lie down and pretend you're dead!" she told Tawni. "If he sees me 'fraternizing with the enemy,' he's gonna execute us both!"

Tawni lay down and played dead, just as Nico, Sonny's sergeant, arrived in the clearing. Sonny saluted him sharply and didn't bring her hand down until Nico had returned the salute. "Report the situation, Private Munroe," he ordered her.

"Sarge, my unit was clearing this clearing of rebels when a platoon-sized force ambushed us," Sonny told Nico. "My unit was able to hand the rebels a good deal of casualties, but I was the only survivor of the attack."

Nico scanned the dead bodies littering the clearing, took a look at Tawni's body, which was lying at Sonny's feet, and asked her, "How did you kill that one?"

"CQC, sir." (A/N: **C**lose **Q**uarters **C**ombat for you folks unfamiliar with the term)

"Good job, Private," Nico said, patting Sonny's shoulder. "You'll receive a Medal of Honor for this. Now, I must go check out the other sectors. Viva Obama!"

"Viva Obama, sir!" Sonny repeated as Nico left the clearing. When she was sure that they were out of sight, she nudged Tawni and told her, "My sarge's gone. You can get up now."

"Whew!" Tawni sighed after getting up. "I thought for a moment that he was gonna put a bullet through my head just to make sure!"

"Thank God he thought CQC was very effective."

"Wait." Now it was Tawni's turn to look horrified. "Oh, man! It's my sergeant coming here now! Okay, lie down and play dead just like you told me to earlier, and I'll try to talk our way out of this mess."

Sonny lay down on the ground and played dead just as Grady, Tawni's sergeant, entered the clearing. He scanned the bodies littering the clearing, then turned to Tawni and said, "Report, private!"

"Sir, my platoon ambushed a squad-sized unit of Loyalists clearing the area of our presence," Tawni replied. "We killed all of them, sir, but they also gave us some heavy casualties. I was the only survivor of the battle, sir."

Grady lightly kicked Sonny's body, which was lying at Tawni's feet, to make sure that it was dead. "How did you kill this one, private?"

"CQC, sir."

"Good." Grady patted Tawni's shoulder. "You will be greatly rewarded for this, private," he said. "Now, I must go check out our sectors! Loyalist infiltrators could have sabotaged our positions. Long live Romney, private!"

"Long live Romney, sir," Tawni replied. When she was sure that Grady could not see the clearing anymore, she shook Sonny and said, "Get up; he's gone!"

"Damn!" Sonny muttered as she brushed dirt off of her uniform. "For a while, I thought he was gonna run a bayonet through me!"

"Yeah, he always gives that impression to other people."

"Okay, so Canada's north of us, right?" Sonny asked Tawni. "The sun's setting over there, which means that's east. And if that's east, then that means that north is… over here. Follow me!"

Sonny and Tawni walked for a short distance and then they came across a clearing, smaller than the one that they had just left. Lying on the ground were Nico and Grady's bodies. "Oh, man!" Tawni muttered. "They must have encountered each other here!"

"Too late to do anything for them now," Sonny said. "Come on! We have to get out of here before the recon planes see us!"

"Got that right, sis," Tawni replied as they left the clearing. For a few seconds, all was still. Then Nico tentatively raised one eyelid, then the other. Suddenly he got up, none the worse for wear. Beside him, Grady also quickly got up from the ground, and he brushed off some dried leaves on his uniform as he said, "That was a close one, man!"

"Yeah," Nico agreed. "Good thing we thought of lying down and playing dead when our guys went through. Otherwise, they could have shot us!"

"Yeah, well, last one to the border is a rotten egg!" Then Grady took off, running as fast as he could.

"Nobody calls me a rotten egg, bro!" Nico laughed as he followed Grady out of the clearing.


End file.
